No matter what stage of a relationship you’re in, moving on to the next stage of commitment can be somewhat of a challenge. In a perfect world, both parties would be on the same playing field at all times. Unfortunately, that’s not usually the case. Relationships are not a science and each one is unique and special in its own way. So where it may be okay for one couple to date un-exclusively for a long time, it may not be okay for the next who has moved on to exclusivity in no time. The key is communication. You have to let the person that you’re with know what you want from them.
So let’s say you have let him know that you’re ready for the next step. Whether you’re ready to start dating him exclusively or you’re ready to make this man your husband, you shouldn’t have to wait long for him to join you on that next level. One thing I’ve learned from dating is that if you have to wait for him to commit at your level, chances are you’ll be waiting forever. There were so many times that I stayed around and waited for the man to come around and realize that he’d never find anyone better than me. If only I wait a little longer…he’ll see, I thought. Instead of him coming around and satisfying my hopeless little romantic heart, I found myself heartbroken and completely let down. Fortunately, I picked up on a few key things to look out for in any stage of a relationship when it comes to the waiting game. Read on to see if it might be time for you to move on…
He tells you he’s not willing to commit. This one is so obvious that I think us women completely hear something else. Men are not that complicated and they usually mean exactly what they say. Take his words at face value. If he tells you “I’m not ready for a relationship”, then he’s “not ready” and that’s his way of telling you that he’s not going to commit to you. There are less obvious statements like “I just need to get to know you better” where you have to trust your instincts. Maybe he does need to get to know you better but if it’s been three months and he’s still using this excuse, it’s time to think about calling it quits.
He refuses to argue with you. Don’t read this and go challenge your guy to a battle of words just to test his commitment to you but this is an important one. If he walks away and refuses to engage in a well-deserved argument, chances are he doesn’t see his relationship with you as worth the time and effort. If a man isn’t completely invested in you, he won’t waste his time and effort trying to work things out with you. He’d rather just walk away and come back for the makeup sex!
He says what you need to hear but nothing more. Unlike most women, men can be completely happy in a relationship that lacks an emotional bond. So if his heart isn’t in it, he’ll tell you the bare minimum of what you need to hear to keep you around but nothing more. When you get angry with him and try to walk away, he’ll break out the charm and sensitivity just enough to keep you from going anywhere but it never seems sincere. This has happened to me and all I can say is if it doesn’t seem sincere, it’s not! A man who truly cares about and wants to be with you will want to know why you’re angry. He’ll reassure you without a doubt that he wants you with him.
His excuses aren’t valid. The reason he can’t commit is because he’s “too busy” but yet he has plenty of time to go on weekend vacations or play basketball with the boys every other day. Or he doesn’t want to get married because he “can’t afford a ring” yet he goes out the very next day and buys a brand new fancy motorcycle (yes that happened to me). Plain and simple, if a man wants to be with you, no excuse will stand in his way. So if he’s giving you excuses that his actions don’t match up to, you can be sure he’s stringing you on. Again, men are perfectly content with keeping a woman around until they find “something better” but you are too good for that!
He keeps a big part of his life to himself. If you’re just dating exclusively, have you met his friends? If you’ve been exclusive for a long time and marriage is on your mind, have you met his family? Does he seem to have way too many “boys’ nights”? A man who sees himself with you will want to involve you in all areas of his life. He won’t confine his time with you to when no one else is around or when he has nothing else to do. A man who is proud to have you by his side will want to share you with the rest of the people in his life. If you’re thinking he’s husband material but you have yet to meet his family, chances are very good that he’s not thinking the same about you.
The biggest point here is that you shouldn’t have to sacrifice any part of yourself to convince him to meet your level of commitment. If he truly and honestly wants to share the commitment with you, he’ll be more than willing to do so. After all, he’s lucky that a woman like you is even giving him a chance. Just don’t sell yourself short. The only man that deserves your commitment is the man who can see just how beautiful you are inside and out and he’ll know better than to make you wait on him.
Written by Kristy Casto
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