Do you go running to the internet in search of advice whenever your love life hits a small bump in the road and you don’t know what to do? Well if you’re like the majority of women, you do.
Being a single mother, finding love is much more of a gray area than most statuses. I know that I for one used to search the web endlessly for some miracle advice that would solve any dating or relationship issue I had. Unfortunately, I made some mistakes by putting too much trust into some of the advice I found.
Here’s my question to you? Why can’t you just trust yourself to know what to do? Why couldn’t I trust myself? I spent many nights reading advice columns and asking personal questions to so called “experts” that I didn’t even know. Well after making a lot of mistakes in love due to following the wrong advice, I think I finally figured it out.
I went from being this confident young woman who had no problems getting boyfriends to being a confused and scared single mother with a failed marriage in her past. For the first time, I had to face the fact that I had no idea who I was or what I wanted and that carried over in my love life. I was no longer that confident young woman who was never alone. In fact, I had lost a lot of my confidence in myself when it came to dating. So I turned to the miracle workers on the internet. But they didn’t know my situation’s like I did. How can someone know what’s best for me unless they are me?
I’m not saying you should never read another advice column or article again but I am saying that you should be careful with how much you let them influence your decisions. There are a lot of real experts out there who have a lot of valuable experience with relationships and people but you are the only one living your life. You know your situation and what’s best more than anyone else out there!
I know it’s contradictive of me to advise you to read advice on the internet with caution but whatever I write about comes from personal experience and from my heart. I write about what I have personally learned so that you can apply it to your life in whatever way you need. So when it comes to seeking advice about love on the internet, here’s what I’ve learned…
If the tone is negative…run! There are a lot of opinions out there and it’s easy to let others opinions influence our own. When you’re in a vulnerable state (like after being dumped or getting in a fight), reading advice telling you that he’s a jerk or that he doesn’t deserve you etc. etc… could amp up your anger and influence you to do something that you’ll regret later. We never do anything productive out of anger so my advice is to steer clear of anything that promotes negative feelings.
Stop thinking and start feeling! One problem we have as an intelligent species is that we think too much! Thoughts are the minds way of trying to understand the world around us and a lot of times we let our thoughts control what we do when we should let our intuition lead the way. Your intuition is conditioned from years of experience with interacting and learning about people. Your intuition has expertise beyond your conscious self. You just have to trust it! Pay attention to your feelings. If something just feels right, then it’s right. If it doesn’t feel right, then you’re headed the wrong direction.
Always always…follow your heart when it comes to love. You know how they say to follow your head and not your heart? No matter how hard we try to understand love, it’ll never be defined to a science. Love is a mystery and something that lies deep inside in a place that is beyond our awareness. It’s a mystery full of surprises and excitement. It’s not logical so why would you trust your logical “head” to make decisions when it comes to love? When you read the plethora of love advice out there, a lot of it may appeal to your “head” but stop, turn off your thoughts, take a deep breath and feel what’s in your heart. Does the advice appeal to both your mind and heart? If not, then it’s wrong. You’ll know what your heart is telling you to do because it will feel right. You won’t question it over and over. Trust your heart when it comes to love and even though you may get hurt sometimes, it’ll never mislead you.
Love is not about avoiding pain. It’s not logical and there is no miracle advice out there. Take the advice out there for what it is; another’s opinion. But when it comes down to it, stay positive, trust your intuition and follow your heart. Do this and no matter what, you will always be true to yourself.
Kristy
Written by Kristy Casto
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