The Chase

Oh, the chase. It’s where a lot of women lose their grounding and get their hearts broken. And the men…well they’re all about stroking their own ego during this phase. Who can blame them? If I were a man, knowing that I had enough game to win any woman over would definitely boost my ego. But I’m not a man. I’m a woman and my goal with this article is to teach you ladies a very important lesson I learned about keeping your cool and not losing your crown to any man during “the chase”.

The chase is that initial phase of dating when you’re just getting to know each other and you’re all about impressing each other. For women the idea of falling in love and building a new relationship that could possibly be “the one” is exciting. Women are naturally nurturing and we seek relationships and experiences where we can connect emotionally because this makes us feel wonderful. For the men, the idea of improving and testing his game is fun! And if he can win the woman over then that spells out success for him. Oh and let’s not forget about sex. Sex is a huge reward for both women and men but in the beginning it’s chased more by men. Basically for the women, the value is in reaching out and building a relationship with him and for the man, the value is in boosting his ego. There’s nothing wrong at all with any of this.

But here is what happens…

The men. In the beginning, he’s not thinking about whether or not you’re the right woman for him and if he’s going to spend the rest of his life with you. He’s thinking about whether or not his game is good enough to win you over…and sex. In the beginning, these are his goals. To win you over and get you in bed. No judgement ladies! This is how men think and part of why we adore them so much. Okay, so in the beginning he is willing to do anything to win you over and perfect his lady catching game. He’ll whisper sweet nothings in your ear, hold your hand while silently suffering through a chick flick with you and he’ll even make amazing promises that will have you falling into his arms in no time. Let me just stop the direction of this paragraph for a sec to tell you that promises are nothing more than words. You don’t need any promise from any man. Okay, moving on… So every man knows that he has to make you feel wonderful, like no man has ever made you feel to win you over. And he knows he has to find your sweet spot to do this. It’s the mystery of every woman that a man wants to crack because when he does, the prize is a major ego boost. With every woman comes another chance to perfect and broaden his game even more. Basically he’s going to feel you out and do anything he can to make you feel like the most amazing woman that ever has and will exist and if he’s doing a good job, you’re going to feel like you’re falling in love.

The women. For us, the chase can feel like a really amazing glass of wine. He’s pouring all this intoxicating attention down your throat and you’re feeling warm and fuzzy on the inside and wanting more. I love the warm and fuzzy feeling that comes from a good wine. And if it’s a really amazing wine that’s good at its job, I feel like I’m falling in love with it. Get the idea? As you’re reaching out to him and wanting to connect emotionally, he’s picking up on this and giving you the attention that you’re wanting and as he’s giving you this attention, you’re feeling a connection whether it’s truly there or not. If he’s really good at his game, the attention he’s giving you is causing you to feel warm and fuzzy and fall in love. You’re stepping off your throne and into his court and giving him more and more confirmation that he’s “the man”.   He’s loving it! And wanting more! So to get more ego strokes, he’s giving you more of that one of a kind attention. Next thing you know, he’s swept you off your feet and you’ve lost all balance and you’re totally in love.

And this is where the game changes…

Now that he knows he’s won you over, one of two things happen. He’s either going to disappear and leave you wondering what the hell happened or he’s going to start falling in love with you. Nothing you do is going to stop him from doing what he going to do.

What happens a lot of times is that once a man knows that he’s won a woman over, he is going to take his prize (the ego boost) and move onto the next game (the next woman). I’m sorry ladies but men are competitive and winning means a lot to them. It’s not that they want to hurt you but men put themselves first. This is a good thing too because sometimes, their game takes a turn down an unexpected path and they find themselves falling in love with you. Now because they put themselves first, if they are falling in love with you, they’re going to stay no matter what because it feels good to them. But there’s no way to make him fall in love with you and there’s no way to tell what he’s going to do once the chase is over so don’t try to figure him out or “win” him over. However, there is something you can do to make sure you don’t get too caught up in the chase and left for heart broken.

Never Ever Take Off Your Crown!

You are the queen in your world. You are number one and there is never any reason good enough for you to be number two. If you can remember to always put yourself first, no one will ever have power over you and how you feel.

The most important priority in my life is to make myself happy. Selfish? Sure is! But here’s the thing…if I put myself first and I can make myself happy then I don’t need anyone else to make me happy which means that when I’m dating a man whether he leaves or stays doesn’t matter to me. There’s such power and fun in that and here’s a few reasons why.

I’m not afraid to be myself. I’m not trying to impress him because his validation isn’t a bigger reward to me than the validation I’ve already given myself. I was worthy before I met him and I’ll be worthy after I’ve met him…no matter what he thinks of me.

My happiness is intoxicating which makes him want more of me. I don’t care what’s happening around me or what anyone thinks of me. I’m always happy no matter what and I’ve learned that the only one who can bring me down is myself. But a lot of people’s happiness is conditional meaning they need others to validate their happiness. When your happiness comes from inside you, it’s unconditional. So when a man comes across a woman who possesses happiness that comes from inside, he’s instantly attracted to her and can’t help but to be around her. Actually everyone wants to be around her!

Being the master of my own happiness allows for more fun! When you aren’t worried about someone being able to take your happiness because you provide your own happiness, you’re not concerned as much with how things turn out. And when you’re not worried about outcomes, you’re not afraid to step out of your comfort zone and have FUN!

I appreciate him so much more. Putting myself first and learning to provide for my happiness from inside has taught me to genuinely appreciate my worth and when someone does something for me, I appreciate their kindness not as validation of my worth but as appreciation of my worth. I see myself as worthy of their kindness already instead of needing validation and this allows me to appreciate the things people do for me so much more.

I have a sense for authenticity. Truly valuing myself and my happiness has taught me what authenticity feels like. When you appreciate yourself, you treat yourself in a way that is genuine and authentic. A way that feels real and freeing. So in learning from myself what authentic feels like, I can easily recognize when people are authentic with me. So if they’re playing games with me, I know and I know what to do.

I don’t get hurt. This one is easy. If I put myself first and I’m the only one who can make or break my happiness, then I’m the only one who can hurt me. I don’t give anyone the power to hurt me. I do what makes me happy and if a man can’t be real and add to my happiness, then my happiness that I already have gives me enough strength to walk away with a smile on my face.

Ladies, you have to be the most important person to YOU. You are the only one who can make yourself happy and you are the only one who can make yourself unhappy. A man can add to your happiness or unhappiness but your overall basis on the scale of happiness is up to you. So when he’s chasing you and showering you with attention, sit gracefully on your thrown and never look so far to one direction that your crown falls off. You are worthy of every man’s attention and any man’s love already. You don’t have to earn it. So while he’s expecting you to fall over yourself in response to his game, show him you’re much more than his wildest expectations by ALWAYS putting yourself first.