Have you ever noticed how right before a big storm hits, everything is quiet and calm? I remember as a child living in Florida, I was always fascinated with the nights before a hurricane would hit. The quiet and calm atmosphere was a complete contrast with the frantically bustling people taking advantage of it to prepare for the coming storm. I would always go outside and sit on my front porch and allow myself to get lost in the silent solitude wondering what was next to come. Kind of like I’m doing now but this time I’m waiting for a different kind of storm, a good storm.
My dating life has been a busy one until recently when I decided to put it on hold. I was at the very least talking to multiple guys and going on dates at least once a week so that should all be great, right? Dating can be a wonderful experience but only if your energy is focused in the right direction…you! I was dating all these men but it seemed like every one of them were spinning the same story. They would be into me big time and things would be great for a month or so and then POOF, they were gone! Some would come back wanting to see me again and the ones I would let come back would eventually vanish once again. It’s like I was running a constant race trying to stay ahead of the rejection I was feeling with no finish line in sight. Well, sometimes you have to stop, stand still and let all the noise pass you by and be brave enough to face the silence that follows.
Inside, I know who I am. I’m quiet confidence, light, grace and still strength. That’s all I need to feel. Negative feelings such as rejection are nothing more than distracting noise that will try to move you from a place of love and respect to a place of unworthiness and loneliness if you allow them.
For some time, I was able to convince myself that I was just dating the wrong guys and that dating is supposed to be fun and adventurous! Then one night I got another “I’m just too busy to date” text from yet another Romeo turned Jekyll and Hyde and I finally broke down. I cried and cried that whole night and asked myself the questions that had been shamefully eating at me for months such as Am I not good enough? Am I going to be single forever because I’m a mother? Is something wrong with me? Here I am a dating and relationships columnist and I couldn’t even get a man to stay around for more than a month! That’s when I realized an amazing truth. I was hurting so much because I’ve known all along that I am good enough, more than good enough but I was giving my heart to situations that were unworthy of me and in doing so lost my sense of self-worth and respect. Well I’ve learned that when you start to feel unworthy in life, it’s because you’re going the wrong direction. So I stopped. I let go of the all the noise and I’m reenergizing my soul for the storm I instinctively know is around the corner. And I imagine this next storm is the one that will deserve my love.
Sooo… why am I writing about this? I know as a single mother the demands life puts on us when it comes to getting what we want. We have to be the ones to fight for what we want because we know no one else is going to do it. Single moms are the dominant powerhouses when it comes to succeeding in our own lives so when we want something (such as love) we go after it. And if we feel as though we’ve failed, we’re the ones we blame. It’s great to go after the things you want in life such as a better career, bigger house, healthier body etc…but when it comes to love you have to be able to sit back and just let it happen. Patience is key. Love isn’t something you make happen, it happens to you and on its own time. This is one area of life where you can’t “make it happen”. So many people are impatient and they want to fall in love on their own time and in the process of trying to force something that isn’t there, they end up losing themselves and settling for a relationship that they aren’t happy in.
What you can do is make the decision every day to love yourself and be happy. Being happy doesn’t mean you’re always in the mood to smile and dance around like you’re in a musical; being happy means that you’re grounded, appreciative and satisfied with yourself and your life. Every day, wake up and tell yourself that you are worthy and remind yourself of what you do have even if you don’t believe it, keep saying it to yourself. Do things for yourself every day to remind yourself that you love who you are and when you’re hurting, be the one to tell yourself it’s time to stop and find a new direction. Remember every day that you are worth being loved, happy and fulfilled. When this becomes a way of living for you, you won’t accept any situation that leaves you feeling less and you will find the strength to leave it.
I was broken down and feeling rejected and because I love myself and cherish my strength and happiness, I could no longer accept my situation, so I stopped and the silence is replenishing my strength and clearing the way for something better. Before every storm, there’s calm. Embrace it and let it rest your heart for what’s around the corner. I have no doubt that it’s something amazing.
Written by Kristy Casto
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