The 4 Dumbest Advice Tips People Give New Moms

1> Sleep when the baby sleeps.

Sure. Because after spending 8 hours plus a day nursing, 4 hours total changing diapers & spitty, poopy clothes, and more hours upon hours rocking, carrying, and comforting your newborn, the magic dish-washing, laundry doing, vacuuming, bill-paying, just-sitting-ALONE-to-have-a-cup-of-coffee-in-peace fairy is going to waltz right in and take care of all of this and more as soon as you and your baby are snoring in harmony. Umm, no.

MY advice ~ As soon as your baby is tucked away safely for ‘a nap’ that may last anywhere from 5 minutes to 3 hours depending on his or her mood, GET GOING! Run around your house in a mad dash doing EVERYTHING you cant do while your little pumpkin is awake and in your arms. Out comes the broom, the dust rags, the toilet wand, the mail, and OF COURSE, the COFFEE!

2> Try putting them to bed BEFORE they’re sleeping, when they’re in a ‘drowsy state’.

Right. And try walking up the walls of your home on your fingernails, too. As if every parent hadn’t already heard of this complete and utter MYTH pre-baby, and longingly envisioned themselves kissing their awake yet ‘sleepy’ little dumpling on the cheek, tucking them into their little bassinet, and quietly closing the door behind them… Until REALITY sets in and wait, what is that you hear? ~ “Waaaaahhhhhh!!!!!” So you think, ‘ok, well I’ll feed him/her, but I wont let the baby fall asleep while suckling, I will keep him/her awake’. So you try that. But, uh-oh… “Wahhhhhh-Ahhhhh-Ahhhhhhh!!!!”

MY advice ~  Put the infant to sleep in any way humanly possible, from nursing to rocking to holding the baby while doing the electric slide. And then, when you finally see those sweet little eyes get heavy and close, do the most delicate dance of your life to their sleeping quarters, slowly lay them down, exit quietly and PRAY.

3> Write everything down, or else you WILL forget.

In theory, this advice is actually the most logical of my 4 illogical advice tips. That is, you know, if you had the TIME to write things down. In between feeding and burpings, baths and changes, doctor  visits, your life, your other children’s lives if your baby has older siblings, work and everything else on your ridiculously full new mom plate. But chances are, you don’t even have time to write the correct date on things anymore, because you know, that would involve going to find the calendar, and after all, who the hell has time for THAT?

MY Advice ~ We live in the age of the ever-there-utterly-amazing-memory-keeping-resource ~ Spcial Networking! Post everything! Who cares if your 400 friends are getting sick of reading about smiles, giggles, poops, pees, weights and lengths! In 5 years when you FINALLY have time to start working on that baby book, you’ll have all the info right here at your fingertips! And Really, even us new mommies can SOMEHOW always make time for our beloved social media.

4> Let the baby cry.

I actually despise this one. First of all, consider the facts. What you are dealing with here is a BABY. And, we all know from a very early age what it is that babies do, they cry. Babies cry. Yes it gets tiring and frustrating and scary and sad to be the one person solely responsible for calming your little crier. But you will learn. You two are in the process of getting to know each other. The true, real science behind newborn crying is a bit more complex than the reality that yes, they are hungry, tired, gassy, etc.There is actually something much deeper going on. They are learning their first HUMAN lesson. When they cry, you will be there. They are learning TRUST. And more importantly, they are learning to trust YOU, a lesson they will carry with them for life.

MY Advice ~ Occasionally, let them WHINE, and even complain a little, while you grab a quick bite to eat, a shower, or a BREATH. But DON’T too often let their little whines turn into blood curdling screams without you being there. The crying will only last a month or two. The TRUST will last a lifetime.