There is a Mr. Right out there for you but quit pining away trying to figure out how to find him. Instead, let him find you and in the meantime, have fun with as many Mr. Wrongs as you want!
I used to be a one man kind of woman. I was loyally devoted and supposedly in love with which ever man I was with at the time. Each time I had a boyfriend, I would hopelessly and naively think he could be the one. I wanted him to be the one! The one who would marry me and whisk me away to my castle to have a bunch of kids! Yes, I am a hopeless romantic but do you know how many freaking times I had to start my fairy tale dream over? Way too many times! Not anymore. A lot of mediocre boyfriends and an exhausting marriage later, I’ve learned to quit trying to fit a prince into a frog. Now I take the frogs for what they are and with each one, I get a little closer to my prince.
Single moms…do you notice the single in there? Yes, this implies that you are going about raising some kids on your own but it also means you’re single! To me, single means you’re free for some fun! I know I know…we all want to meet a man who is going to love us unconditionally and grow old with us and believe me, you’ll meet him. But why waste so much energy and time worrying and stressing about finding a relationship when you can be having fun patiently waiting for a relationship to happen naturally? The right guy will find you and you will know it when he does but until then, take advantage of all the wrong ones. Dating and love can either be a tiring, monotonous search or it can be an adventurous story with a happy ending. Here’s why you should have many love affairs before settling for one.
With each one, you learn something more about what you want. Life is an endless journey to learning who we are and what makes us tick. With every experience, you learn something new about yourself.
I used to think that I knew exactly what I wanted but obviously, I had no clue! I still don’t know exactly what I want in a man which is why I truly believe that you don’t really know what you want until you find it. However, since my new “enjoy many and not just one” approach to dating as a single mom, I’ve learned a lot about who I am and what makes me happy. I go into every new experience open minded and free to go with the flow and even when these guys are done and gone, I feel like I didn’t waste my time because each and every one teaches me something about myself.
The never ending “honeymoon phase”. You know how things are really romantic and passionate for the first few months of a relationship and you feel like you’re on cloud nine? What if you could have this feeling all the time?! When a man is interested in you, there’s nothing he won’t do to sweep you off your feet and convince you he’s God’s gift to women. But then as the months go by, this wears off and he starts to resemble every other guy. Open up your dating ring to more than one guy and keep the honeymoon phase going! With every new guy there’s more romance, passion and sweeping off of the feet! And why not? After how hard you work, you deserve some spoiling.
Having many ensures you’re not too focused on just one. When we’re with just one guy, we’re focused on him and only him and it’s easy to become disappointed when he cancels plans with us or goes into his man cave for whatever reason and we don’t hear from him for a week. But when you’re seeing more than one guy, he can disappear for a while and give one of the other ones a chance to step up! Until you’re in a serious relationship, there’s nothing wrong with having a few players on the field. Not that you need a man to occupy your time to keep you happy but having a few definitely helps keep your attention centered and grounded.
The excitement of not being in control! Our lives are full of routine and as single moms; we have to be in control in most areas of our lives and things can get very predictable and unexciting. Dating is the one area where we don’t have to be in control! Men are natural born leaders and they love to be in control, so let them!
I love not knowing who I’m going to hear from next or where the conversation is going to go. I love not knowing who I’m going to see or what is going to happen in a given week. They all have their different ways and talents when it comes to romancing you, so hand over your Superwoman reins and let the excitement come to you for once!
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Different sexual connections ensure your sex life is never boring! It’s not that you should go out and sleep with every guy you date but if you feel a connection with them and you want to have sex with them, why not? Sex is a great way to build on a deep connection with someone and there’s no reason what so ever that you shouldn’t enjoy it with different men.
I used to think it was wrong to have sex with someone whom I wasn’t exclusive with so I’d date a guy for months and months and only when he’d finally become my boyfriend would I sleep with him. All this was doing was creating anxiety for me because I wasn’t living in the moment. Now if I feel a strong connection with someone, naturally I want to be more intimate with them.
There are men I connect to deeply in an intellectual way, a rebellious way, and an empathetic way and with each one of these connections come different sexual experiences. Don’t deprive yourself of this because these different experiences can lead to a very fulfilling and exciting sex life that as far as I’m concerned, you should absolutely indulge in!
Settling is not an option for a woman as special as you. You are special, very very special! And you deserve the most amazing and fulfilling relationship. You can’t settle for the first man who comes along and shares the same quirky obsession that you have or for the first man who comes along and buys you flowers “just because”. No! You need to hold out for someone who can add to your happiness and make you feel amazing in ways that you know without a doubt, no other man can. And he needs to be able to do it on a consistent long term basis. You’ll know when you realize you’ve met him but take your time and let this realization come to you naturally. Until then, sit back and let these men appreciate you in their own way. One of them will prove themselves the winner beyond a doubt.
There are so many men out there and what I know now since being divorced and taking on life as a single mom is that I’m one of a kind. I’m grounded in my strength and happiness and I’m not about to leave it for anyone. Instead, I’m going to enjoy the men and the different love affairs they bring to me until one of them steals my heart for good.
Written by Kristy Casto
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