The other night I lay on my floor staring up at my ceiling and wondering why I was feeling worried and not at peace like I always am anymore. Something was definitely bothering me but it wasn’t very obvious to figure out. Thankfully I’ve come to have such a deep sense of peace that I can notice the slightest of contrast within myself. 
After thinking for a while, I realized that it was something my son had said earlier when I had tucked him in bed. Even more so, it was what I had sensed in his voice. Complete doubt.
My son wants to be an inventor and he’s always coming up with new ideas and delighting even complete strangers with his stories of creation. So that night I told him as I was tucking him in that I just know he’s going to be a brilliant inventor and help a lot of people. What I was expecting was complete enthusiasm and excitement from him but what I got was an uninterested and unexcited “Thanks mom. That’s nice of you to say”. He almost sounded sad.
I realized that this bothered me so much because he didn’t feel confident in himself that he could reach such greatness. Haven’t I always raised him to believe in himself? What did I do wrong that my son isn’t confident in his dreams? As I laid there longer, I thought about all the times I cut him off short while explaining one of his creations because I was in the middle of doing something. I thought about all the times I had come up with wonderful ideas to help him create real things but never got around to acting on these ideas because I was too busy and had more important things to do. I thought about all of this and I started to cry. I’ve always been too busy to show my son that his dreams are important to me. No wonder he sounded so doubtful! As I lay there staring at my ceiling and now crying, I felt like the worst mother in the world! But then I kept thinking…
A lot of us really beat up on ourselves for not doing the right thing. We dwell on what we’d do differently if we could go back and change things. We feel like horrible moms and like we’ve somehow damaged our kids for life. Oh the guilt! But the truth is we’re putting so much emphasis on our past “mistakes” that we’re not seeing the bigger picture.
They say actions are more important than words and this is true but there is something that is even more important than actions. What drives your actions and words? Your intentions do. Your intentions are why you act and why you say what you say. Sometimes you’re not even aware of your intentions but they are always there.
A mothers intentions. A mother loves her child and her intentions are always good. You want your child to be happy, to feel loved, to succeed their dreams, to feel confident and you do your very best to do the right thing. You do your very best to act upon these intentions as best you can but like every human, you make mistakes. However it’s not the mistakes you think you’re making that are important. It’s your intentions that count at the end. It’s your intentions that will keep you on the right path and your intentions that will keep you from giving up. So don’t get caught up in mistakes made in the past. They happened, they can’t be changed and they are what make you imperfectly perfect.
Dwelling on the past is a dead end. When you act in some way and then feel awful about it, it’s important to let it go. We get so caught up in our actions and invest so much emotion on things we’ve done in the past. But worrying about what action you took and wishing that you could go back and do things differently is a dead end. You can’t go back. And dwelling on the past too much will only cause you heartache. You make mistakes. We all do. It’s part of being a mother. But what you can do is realize that your intentions are allowing you to see that what you did in the past did not work to serve your good hearted intentions. When your intention is to love your child unconditionally and you do something that makes you feel bad, your action is not aligned with your intent and you feel bad. So instead of beating yourself up for what happened in the past, you can use this pure knowledge to act in a way that is aligned with your intention. You can do things differently the next time.
If I’d never had the intention of raising my son to believe in himself I wouldn’t have realized that my actions were coming across in a way that portrayed little interest in his dream of becoming an inventor. But I want more than anything for my son to believe that his possibilities are limitless and now instead of beating myself up because of the past I can shed light on the present.
Intentions are a never ending path. You never stop loving your child and your motherly intentions for them never end. This means that for every moment for the rest of your existence you are given another chance to align with your intentions. So if your intention is to help your child feel confident, you never stop having chances to do so. It’s never too late! No matter what you’ve done in the past because you love your child and you will always seek to show them your love.
You are imperfectly perfect. You make mistakes but you never give up. This is what makes a mother so strong and powerful in her child’s life. So don’t stop short of the past. Let your intentions of love fade the mistakes of the past away, light up the present and shine on the future. Being a mother is about unconditional love and unconditional love is unconditionally endless. This is love’s intention.
Your intention is to love your child and therefore you’ll always get it right…no matter what.
Helica says
Needed this tonight. Really needed this. Thank you!
Kristy says
Helica,
I’m happy it helped you. It’s tough being a mom sometimes. You love your children and that is what matters. You’re their mother for a reason…because you’re the very best mother they could have 🙂
Love,
Kristy