Why do we put up with less than respectful behavior from our children’s father when we could just as easily drag them into court and let the law serve justice? I’ve heard some crazy stories about how some of you ladies (and men) are treated and it makes me so angry! How can people treat the parent of their children with such disrespect? 
I’m so thankful that my children have a wonderful father but with that being said, there are definitely times when I’m not so fond of him. But even then all I have to do is remember that he is the father of my children and he’s a good one and for that alone I can be grateful. I know there are a lot of you out there though who have to deal with some really hurtful behavior from your children’s father and I am so sorry.
Just the other night my friend was over and she was telling me how her children’s father is basically sucking her financially dry because he won’t work and she looked at me and said “Why do I put up with him when I could just take him to court”?
Well I know many of you have asked this question. I could see that the whole situation was hurting her so I thought deeply about her question for a few seconds. Then I looked at her and said “You’re doing it for your children”.
The answer is simple and powerful. We put up with the bad behavior because we are awesome mothers and we love our children unconditionally. To be more specific, it’s easy when children aren’t involved to walk away from someone who doesn’t treat us good because we only have our feelings to be responsible for. But when children are involved, there’s a bigger picture. We know that our children can’t help but love their other parent too and the way we treat the other parent strongly influences our children’s feelings toward the other parent. They love their father just as they love us and for us awesome mothers, we care more about nurturing our children’s capacity to love than our own distaste towards others. Love is much stronger than anger and we see the bigger picture.
We love our children and we want whatever is good for them. We want to nurture the love in their hearts. An awesome mother knows that the triangle between mother, father and children involves a much bigger picture than just her and the love we have for our children gives us the strength to put up with less than desired behavior sometimes.
However, as important as it is to nurture our children’s capacity to love, it’s also important to set an example to teach our children about respect. There may come a point when it’s more beneficial for all involved for you to stand up to your ex than let him get away with his bad behavior. But it can be so scary to seek legal help. So how do you know?
It’s the difference between respect and revenge. Ask yourself this…are you wanting to drag his butt into court for revenge or for respect? Your answer to this will tell you whether or not it’s the right thing to do. If it’s more revenge you’re seeking then you’re more focused on yourself than everyone involved. Getting the justice system involved can take a pretty heavy hit on your kids and this is something to really consider. So if it’s just revenge you’re seeking, you may want to do some deeper soul searching.
However, if your ex is constantly dis respecting you (especially in front of the kids) and deliberately trying to ruin your peace than it’s time to let them know that it will not be tolerated. You deserve to be respected and treated well and this is so important! Besides the fact that you deserve respect, you are setting a strong example for you children. So if they see that you allow others to walk all over you, they will think its okay to let others do the same to them. But if they see that you highly value your happiness and that you won’t let others dis respect you then they will expect others to treat them the same and they will learn to put value on their happiness.
You are an awesome mother and you deserve to have a life with your children that is full of love and respect. When it comes to your relationship with the other parent, there are a lot of opportunities to set valuable examples for your children to follow. Always make your decisions from a place of unconditional love and respect for all involved and you and you will always have the peace of mind that you made the right decision.
Jess says
I wonder what do you do when your ex is hell bent to seek that revenge and keeps going to Court for one or another thing, like a never ending journey just so he can keep you financially and emotionally drained all the time in addition to the toll on the children from Court proceedings.