Fall In Love With Being Alone

“I’m so tired of being alone”. You’ve either said this yourself or you’ve heard someone else say it. All of us women want some hot stud to come into our lives and whisk us away into a never ending romance novel but you know what’s just as fulfilling? Being alone. 

The word alone seems to conjure negativity for the most part because we associate it with a state of wanting. Wanting to be with someone and wanting to feel valued by someone but this wanting holds no more power over you than a puff of smoke. It’s an illusion that can be wiped away just as soon as you open your mind to the positive aspects of being solo. So if you are one of those women who has been wallowing in your sad little world of loneliness, get ready to change your perspective in a way that will have everyone wondering who the new “love” in your life is (it’s a happier you!).

I used to hate the nights when my children were with their father and I was left all alone in my condo wondering what I was supposed to do with myself. My friends were all with their boyfriends and husbands. Sometimes I would have a night out with friends lined up or sometimes even a date but if I didn’t have any plans, the threat of a lonely and depressing night watching chick flicks and crying had me biting my fingers. I was depending on others to keep me happy when I was alone and this isn’t right. Just like most people, I saw being alone as a negative thing. Well, I finally got tired of it!

I want to be happy and fulfilled no matter who is in my life. I wanted to learn how to enjoy my single status and use it to learn about me. And that is just what I did! These days I’m not worried about being single or feeling the lonely heartbreak after the end of a relationship because even in the quietest times of my life, there’s excitement all around me. How did I learn to see being “lonely” as a good thing?

I realized that if love is what you want, you have to feel it first. You’re not going to find love if you’re always thinking about being alone. When you focus on being alone, that’s where your energy goes and it only brings you more loneliness because you’re so focused on that that you don’t see other opportunities that may be standing right next to you. Our feelings and thoughts are powerful creators of tunnel vision. We only see what we’re focused on most of the time. So to give love a possibility, you have to be more focused on love. You have to imagine it and feel it and the more you do this, the more you believe in it. And the more you believe in it, the more you will allow it. Once I quit thinking about being alone and I started thinking more about the kind of man I want to fall in love with, I started noticing my dating life picking up. This is because the thoughts brought on feelings which opened the door to relating these feelings to opportunities that were happening in my life. So stop thinking about being lonely and start thinking about how exciting and good falling in love feels. Daydream about it and have fun with it. The more you think about it, the more you’ll attract it. Trust me, it works!

There’s bliss in alone time. It’s okay to miss your kids on the nights you don’t have them but remember that the beautiful, delicate and compassionate woman that you are deserves a night of relaxation and pampering. Be selfish and take the nights you have to yourself to do everything for you and only you. Take advantage of these nights to learn how to put you first. I used to put everyone else in my life first and it wasn’t until I learned to put myself first, that I found true and unconditional happiness. You know you’re worthy of spoiling yourself. Your alone time is precious because not only can you use it to spoil yourself and take a break from your busy life but it’s also the time that you learn about yourself. Don’t worry about going all out or having something planned. Just go with the moment and do whatever it is you feel inspired to do. Even if it’s passing out and sleeping a Friday night away, if that’s what you want, then that’s what you should do. Being able to see the bliss in your alone time will allow you to see the value in being alone. And you’ll see that being alone isn’t lonely at all. After all, you are awesome and beautiful company and the queen of your own heart.

Spend time with the people who are in your life. One night as I thought about being alone, I was going through my phone and at the realization that I had over 500 contacts in my phone, I realized that I actually have a lot of people in my life! I started going by each name and thinking about that specific person and why I like having them in my life. The acknowledgement of all these people brought a smile to my face and I decided that I needed to start appreciating their existence in my life more. It’s so easy to take advantage of those who are readily and unconditionally in our lives but they’re the very people that we appreciate the most. I started committing to regular coffee dates with my friends and weekly conversations with my family who lives far away and just filling up my time giving appreciation for the people who are in my life. And I made it a point to not talk about the things that I want but the things that I have already which brings me to my next point…

Be grateful for what you have. You know that saying Your cup is half empty or half full? Well it all depends on how you allow yourself to see things. You can either see what you don’t have or you can see what you do have. Being alone can either be about wanting what isn’t there or taking time to appreciate what is all around you. I remember sitting on my couch one night and feeling empty without anyone else around. But then I started looking around at everything in my living room in a different way. All these things that had been so silent seem to suddenly come alive. The pictures of my children and the volleyball team I coached were alive with memories of happy energy, the big fluffy pillows my legs rested on were alive with comfort to offer, my blazing fireplace was full of warmth to offer, my computer was alive with evidence of my personal growth in my articles, the big seashells were alive with the sound of the ocean in the Bahamas where I took my children on vacation for the first time all by myself. I was so grateful for all these things around me that I had taken for granted. Now I make it a point to take at least a few minutes every day to just appreciate and be grateful for the things around me.

If your state of loneliness is leaving you wanting for something more, stop. Stop thinking of being alone as a negative and empty thing because it’s not! Look around you and see that there’s love and energy everywhere. You’re not alone at all. It’s just that you are looking for a specific condition but when you allow yourself to quit focusing on what you don’t have and to start focusing on what you do have; your heart fills with joy and opens up doors to endless possibilities. Don’t focus on being alone. Focus on being loved. Don’t focus on what feels empty. Focus on enjoying what is already in your life. Because it’s only when you can fill your own life with love that you will open your heart to the infinite space needed to fall in love.