Ask Laurie your questions on parenting, handling children of different ages, coping with depression, coping with addiction, trouble with finances, household chores, cooking, and much more.
Get answers to your single mom questions. Ask your questions using the form below, and Laurie will reply you as soon as possible. She will give you a direct, non sugar coated answer.
If you want to remain anonymous, please change the name, location, so that others do not recognize your situation. However, enter the correct email address, in case Laurie wants to contact you. SingleMom.com will never disclose your email addresses.
For more information on our submission policy, please check our privacy policy.
Jeanna says
I’m a single mom of two teenagers. We’ve had an extremely hard year. My children have had to witness their father leaving and moving in with another woman, he deployed for a year, we moved to a new state and then back and now we’ve been in a lovely stable home for 3 months thatI can’t keep the payments on. We’re going to have to move again, perhaps to my sisters in San Diego. As a single working mom, I always find time just to “be” with them but I’m so worried I’m going to make another mmove stake. They see me stressed all the time. I’ve learned we have to move and I just don’t know what the right thing to do is anymore. Is moving in with my sister, in a new town with her husband and young son going to be a bad idea? I’m desperate for advice.
Karina says
dear Laurie. I am a single mother of a 3 year old Beautifully intelligent son. He brightens my entire life but, he loves to run and he has done it since he was a mere 2 years old. When his dad and I split up. Our son would go to his dad’s house waiting for attention and would never get any so he would start running out of the house perhaps looking for me his father battles drug addiction. I have full custody I know my son needs to run but how exactly can I get him to run and still be mindful? I live in the country I am a bit over weight now it stresses me to the max. I just want to ensure his safety and well-being and be in control is it to much to ask.
Sara says
Dear Laurie My son whom I have raised by myself for 16 years is bossy, does not help and thinks and call me stupid. I know he loves me but how do I get him to identify he is being selfish and exspects things to be handed to him
Elizabeth says
Not sure how this works. But I have a situation that I am at a loss for answers and no one seems to have advice. So I am hoping maybe someone here can help. My 16 year old daughter and her father cannot seem to get along. He has a bad temper and its matched by hers. I am afraid that he isn’t willing to try and work the issues through therapy and feels that it won’t work unless she changes. We are divorcing and there are a lot of issues with all that have transpired with the divorce. Our daughter and her dad had a hit and miss relationship before the divorce. It has since exacerbated their anger and resentment to each other. I am pushing the therapy route for both of them to figure a way that they can have a relationship with respect of each other and support of each other. Her father isn’t keen on the therapy and seems to not want to have to go through it. My question is how do I handle a situation that involves other children. If he decides to not work on his relationship with her and walk out of her life except minimal. Is that fair to let her see her brothers continue to have a relationship with their dad while she doesn’t. Do I put my foot down and say you don’t get to choose being their for some of your children and not the other? I tried to think that if god forbid I died. Would that mean that he would take care of the other two children and do what with her? Just because the children do not live with him doesn’t make him less of a parent and less responsible to see that she gets the help and assistance as her brothers. Guess I am saying if I make him be part equally in all his children’s life or not at all, I will damage my relationship with my sons and hurt them. Or do I let him walk away from that responsibility of being a parent to her while maintaining a relationship with her brothers? How much damage will she sustain.
cleofe says
Hi Laurie,
i am dating a man whom I am not sure if he really had an idea that I am a single mom. all of my colleagues in the company knew my status.he is my colleague but he is working outside so were not seeing each other that much. the thing is I want to tell him from the first but I figured out that its just a date and i thought it will not go into deep so i decided not to open this up. and now he is telling me i have tell him everything and no secret and he is open to know everything on my mind. but i am afraid how he will react or maybe he will stop calling me or asking me out. I do like him in everyday were communicating he is a real man but I still dont know what is our status, please I need your advice how to tell him that I am a single mom and i dont actually hide it from him.
thank you so much
Brian Becker says
This is about visitation. I’m a single father, I have primary physical custody of my 6 year old son, and have had it since the separation in 2012. The mother met a man online shortly and moved 2 hours away to be with him. She was pregnant before the divorce was final, and is now married to the man. The custody agreement says I have him the majority of the time, but giving her every other weekend and days during the week as agreed upon. Her job at the time made that agreement more sense. She got a new job, so she was only able to see him every other weekend. No holidays or vacations were discussed or placed in the agreement. Since separation, she does not call him throughout the weeks she doesn’t see him and will go several weeks without calling him. She doesn’t do anything fun with him on his visitations and he usually does not look forward to going there because it is boring. She didn’t even call him on his first day of kindergarten. I doubt she even knows where he goes to school and who his teacher is. I don’t smoke, but she does, and does so in the car with him. So there are a lot of factors that make me despise her, but she is his mother and i cannot keep him from her. There are no provisions for granting her any holidays in the custody agreement, so I have not given her the opportunity to have any, unless they happen to land on her visitation weekend. Am I justified in my selfish behavior in this instance? Does she deserve less? I cannot make her understand my view on this matter, because she doesn’t feel she is doing anything wrong, no matter what I say. Any advise?
Leah says
My son is2 and always with me unless he goes to daycare. He was the only child until 2 months ago when his dad had a 2nd child. My son is potty trained and has been for 2 months now. When i dated his dad he beat me in front of my son causing me to leave. We have set parent time arrangements but his dad never gets him because he says he has to work. Although i work too. Lately my son has been having painful bowel movements with orange shaped poop, and has been having accidents a couple days at bedtime.
His dad said that my son kept peeing alot and wet the bed at night and was messing with his area so i should take him to the hospital.
The excessive peeing was not going on at my house and once he got home he didnt have the bedwetting issue.
I got off of work last night on saturday to 14 calls and a text a piece from my sons dad and his girlfriend. All these calls were constant during my work shift.
I finally call back.
When i talked to him on the phone he threatened me and added more to what he said my son was doing. And saying that i dont have time for my son or im too busy for him, yet im the one who always has him.
Frankly im frustrated this man has given me hell the past 5 years of my life. From beating me to cheating on me to showing up at my moms house attacking me again then threatening to take my son away from me.
What should i do about this situation. I am 100% sure that no one has molested my son.
I dont know how to get this drama to stoo once and for all.
Kristy says
Hi Leah, I am so so sorry that you’re going through a hard time. It’s very obvious to me that you are concerned and let me first say, don’t ever be afraid to stand up for yourself or your child even if you are wrong, it’s better than doing nothing.
It concerns me that your ex used to beat you up and especially in front of your child. Even when they are too young to consciously remember, this can have lasting effects on your child that can appear in physical forms such as wetting the bed, having accidents or doing things that are not common for them when they do not feel secure.
Is it possible that your son is not peeing excessively or wetting the bed when he’s with you because he feels secure with you? And when he’s with your ex, he doesn’t? Children can easily pick up on our emotions and the security of their environment however they are too young to fully understand and comprehend like an adult so they act out in other ways.
Here’s what I would do. First, make sure that you document EVERYTHING. Dates, times and every detail of any worrisome incident and keep it in a safe place. Don’t tell your ex that you are doing this. As a matter of fact, do not threaten him or do anything out of anger. This only makes the situation worse. If you trust your pediatrician, take your child to be evaluated and discuss this with them. Or (and I’ve done this personally), take your child to a counselor who specializes with children and can give you some guidance.
You sound like a good mother to me and I know you know better than anyone else what your son needs. Believe in yourself and don’t be afraid to do it. Best of luck to you and let me know if I can help in any way.
Kristy
Rachel says
Hello. My name is Rachel. I am 21 and a senior in college. I am also a single mom to a beautiful 3-month old son. I am currently enrolled in school. I am considering taking a full load because I am almost finished with my degree plan. However, this means I will have to drive 30 minutes from my college every day to put my child in a decent daycare. My parents also live two hours away from where I go to school. My son’s father is not involved whatsoever. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. Should I reduce my hours and graduate later? (that sucks). Or should I try to finish my degree up and graduate? Love to hear from you!!
Kristy says
Hi Rachel,
Wow! I feel your pain. I’m a single mom to a 9 and 8 year old, I work full time, run a website http://www.moderndaysinglemom.com and I go to school full time (I’m getting my masters to be a nurse practitioner). It’s tough and going back to school was a very hard decision for me because it would mean spending a lot less time with my kids, sleeping less and working my butt off. Also, I don’t have any family in the same state as me. It’s hard and sometimes I want to give up but the amazing thing is…I’m happier than I’ve ever been! Why? Because I know i can do it and my children will see how hard I work. I believe in myself and I always put myself first because if I’m at my happiest and most confident, then I can give my best to my children. Not only that but I’m being a very influential example of believing in myself and working hard for what I want to them. The question you need to answer is “What do you want?” You can do anything because there is nothing standing in your way. You know that saying “Where there’s a will, there’s a way”? The only thing standing in your way is you. Do what will make you happy and I promise your child will be happy too. To me it sounds like you want to finish your degree now. I think you should go for it! Single moms are tough and capable of doing the impossible. And honestly, what’s 30 minutes? In the long run once you have your degree, you’ll look back at those 30 minute drives and they’ll be a reminder of what a badass you are. There’s nothing holding you back. Good luck and let us know what you decide!
Kristy
Kenzie says
I need help with my baby daddy.
We broke up about a year ago. Not very long after that I found out I was pregnant. He didn’t want to be apart of it and I didn’t hear from him at all. About two weeks ago we started talking again. He would ask about our son and stuff like that. He’s 3 months old. Then it became idle chit chat just catching up and seeing how each other was doing. Then he asked me if I still loved him. I told him it wasn’t fair of him to ask me that because he rejected me when I wanted him to stay and raise our child together. (He had troubles. we broke up because he had a drug problem. He also denied that my kid was his and continued his life of drugs and alcohol.) Anyways he said that he was sorry for asking. he just wanted to know and that he knew he made mistakes. (He earlier told me he was clean for a few months.) He then said that loved me and was sorry for everything and that I was good to him. I told him I still loved him too and that I forgave him. I never got over him.. After that we were talking and flirting all the time. i thought we were back together… how could I not? But then we got together today to talk about our son and him wanting to be in his life. It was kinda awkward because we forgot all the stuff we wanted to say to each other. So through the awkwardness we would play fight like we used to by like poking or whatever. Then things kinda got intense and intimate… I’m not proud to say it but we did end up having sex. It was great.. I felt loved and wanted again.. Then afterwards it was kinda quiet. I thought about it because something just felt.. weird. I finally just asked him “What are we?” he replied that he didn’t know. I was disappointed. I said that I must have gotten the wrong impression because I thought that we were back together.. Then I asked “well were you wanting to get back together?” He replied again that he didn’t know. Then he said that he wanted to focus on our son before we tried to fix what was between us. I think that is fair and all but.. I’m afraid that I don’t know if he wants to try to work out or if he has an alterior motive or just I don’t know. A lot of bad stuff happened between us last year and I want to forget all that and start fresh but I’m afraid of also getting hurt again.. People i know say that I should just stay away but they don’t know him like i believe i did… Can people really change?.. Advice please? What would you do?
Laurie says
Dear Kenzie,
My heart goes out to you because you still obviously care very much for this guy. I don’t know what your “friends” drug issues are, but I do know that my younger brother was an addict and went through rehab and is now enrolled in a trade school and trying hard every single day to stay on track. It’s a long road for addiction recovery. My best advice to you is let this person be the best father and role model to your child. You share this wonderful little person, and what every parent should want is what is best for their child. However, that being said it’s also very important that there are no drugs around your child or influence of friends in that same environment either. A “clean” daddy should visit with his child, and that should be put on the table immediately. Let your guy work on his substance issues, and partake as a father first, then see what evolves and later down the road if he is serious about his recovery and maturing about his parenting role, the two of you can decide if your relationship will work out as well. One major step at a time. Don’t let your emotional needs cloud your perspective on what is best for your child. The best of luck, God bless.
Erin says
Hello! My name is Erin and I’ve got some relationship issues going on that involve children.
Here’s a little of my story…
I have 4 children, ages 8, 6, 5, and 6 months. My 3 oldest have the same father but do not see him because he was physically abusive to us and I have a protection order against him indefinitely.
My youngest child’s father and I are currently together and have been for the past 3 years. He is a good guy other than he can be emotionally abusive at times. When he is emotionally abusive, he is very mean and degrading with his words and actions.
Some background…
He does not have a job and is not trying to get one. I work 65 hours a week at a hospital and he drops me off and picks me up from work because my truck is the only vehicle to the household. Now since my children are out on summer break, he doesn’t want to babysit my children while I work so I’m having to pay someone to babysit them. My finances are shot because I pay all the bills in the house with no financial help from him even though I know he’s making money somehow. He always flashes his money that he has but when I ask for some to help with bills, he declines to give me any. He also buys a new pair of $200 shoes almost every Saturday but has barely bought our 6 month old anything more than a small pack of diapers. It is very hard living like this especially since I have no family in the state that I’m currently living in.
OK, my question…
I want to move back to where my family lives, 1,200 miles from here. I want to take all my children with me. Could he or his family fight me for custody of my 6 month old? Do you think he would win custody? I know if I moved back with my family, I would have help raising my children and I would be more financially stable. Please help!
Laurie Overton says
Dear Erin,
I am so sorry to hear of your very difficult situation…so let me be very clear about this answer: Run…don’t walk back to your family! You are a hard working mother and provider who has gotten the short end of the stick with partners who have not put you or your children first, second or even third in their life. You deserve so much better, but the only person who has really been keeping you from achieving that happier level in life: Is Yourself.
Pack up your belongings, embrace all of your children, and return to your family for love and support. As far as the court goes, you can check into any legal aid attorney services, but personally I would not stay one more day in that environment. I cannot imagine any judge ruling in his favor, no job, no effort, abusive background, doesn’t make for a good stable parent. So now it’s all up to you Erin. You have found men who are of the same mold, abusive and degrading, that’s not what you need. Place a much higher value on Erin, the woman, not Erin the doormat. You have made it too easy on him, of course he doesn’t do his part, but truly he is not a mature man, and he does not value you or the sweet children. He is lazy and acts entitled to all your hard work. These are old habits you must break, you need to wipe your slate clean. If you don’t start working on your own self esteem regarding partners in life, your daughters, and sons will carry these examples into their adult future, and that won’t be healthy for any of them. Stand strong, have faith, believe in yourself as a strong, loving mother, and give your children a fighting chance for a happier and emotionally stable future. Ii believe in you, and I have faith that you can do this! God Bless you!
sue reynolds says
Hi , Laurie I have a huge problem Im so losted my mother justed passed two days before Thanksgiving, my two daughters and I lived with her because I can’t make it on my own and I must admit I dont know how, my Aunt Sue and I could not take her one bedroom apartment over, we couldnt qualifly,and now we can’t find a place to go they all want three or four times the rent. My Aunt is on SSI, I have Welfare for my kids therefore we don’t have the income they want I was approved for assistants but it’s not helping .I have afew evictions and I so wished my mom was still here without her Im so losted can anyone help us please
Laurie Overton says
Dear Sue,
First off, I am so very sorry for your loss. I can imagine how you feel when someone you love dearly, passes away. On the other hand, regarding your housing situation, there are many programs state to state that ALLOW people just like yourself, to find housing even with bad credit. Check out your local social security resources, I’m sure you will find some information there. Also, apply for section 8 housing, you do not need high income or good credit for that either. Perhaps your Aunt could find senior housing services that would house all of you. Look into your local churches, often times they have assistance and information that people often overlook. All the best to you Sue, God Bless!
Jennifer says
I am a 40 year old single mother of a 9 year old autistic child. I became a single parent after an episode of domestic violence when I was pregnant. He (the father) is a long time alcoholic with over a dozen arrests for alcohol and/or violent incidents. However, courts granted the father very generous visitation rights but then he stopped coming–for 3.5 years.The court eventually rescinded all visitation. During the past 10 years he has threatened to take our child, he had shown up at my home and refused to leave until the police came, he has sent me hundreds of vile e-mails that vacillate wildly from how much he hates me, to not believing our child is really his, to how much he loves me.
After a 3.5 year absence the father retained a lawyer and asked for joint custody and visitation. I prepared my declaration, including all information relating to the police reports, the domestic violence, referred to e-mails and threats, as well as to the fact that our child has a severe learning disability and struggles with severe anxiety. Yet, all the father had to do was tell the judge he’s “changed” and within 5 minutes the order was changed to 2 weekends per month supervised visitation. We didn’t go through mediation, the judge came right out and said he “didn’t care about the anxiety of the child”.
Why is it still so strongly believed that 2 parents are better? If one parent has been abusive, and he has been verbally abusive to our son in the past, calling him stupid and dumb, not to mention the 10 years of verbal abuse I’ve had to endure after he physically injured me, because we have a child together.If one parent is abusive, an alcoholic, and chooses to walk out, why, WHY do parents like these always get an endless amount of chances to keep screwing up their kids lives? When does the court ever say, enough is enough? I was referred to as “one of those liberal women” because I stated my beliefs that being raise by a single mom was better than having a dad who made the child’s life so miserable.
The stress of being “forced” to see his father has made my son physically ill, he’s having nightmares, and he’s, quite frankly, terrified. This is affecting his school work, which is hard enough on him as it is–3 different IEP tutors. My son has a very high IQ, so he’s acutely aware of his differences.
I’m really tired of parents who chose to speak up and say, look, the other parent is unfit and here’s a laundry list of police reports, how the child feels, etc., I’m tired of being branded “anti-family” or being accused of damaging my child by wanting to keep his abusive father away from him. Everyone from my childs teachers, therapists, etc., have all said my child is far better off without his father in his life–so why don’t the courts every listen??
Laurie Overton says
Dear Jennifer,
You have made several valid points in your post. Let me say this, courts generally tend to favor that “changed” word. I adopted my nephew when he was 10, but he lived with us since he was 3 years old. Every time we went to court, and my sister said she was changing her ways, the courts gave her more chances, however, she never did change. That being said, I believe people who want to, can change and be their better selves. It doesn’t sound like your ex is that person because of all the years of domestic/verbal abuse. That is scary for you and your child. I hope you can retain an attorney to represent you and your sons best interests. I agree that you have to fight an uphill battle to keep him safe, but that is what you must do. You are right, raising a child in an unfit environment is not healthy, and one healthy parent is far better than any abusive one. You sound very strong Jennifer, and you are fighting for all the right reasons. I’m sorry it’s been such a struggle, but being a single mom comes with these hurdles, but also the most amazing blessings too! Stand by your son and never let go, you are doing the right thing. Life is not always fair, but you are paving a better path for your sons future. God Bless!
Jill Biggs says
I have been separated form my husband, who was severely mentally abusive, for about 8 months now. I have been living with my mom in her tiny house sharing a room with my two girls, who are 7 and 9. I feel like I’m loosing my mind in this house. Its hard enough to have left this marriage and cope with the issues I have picked up from it, but to then deal with the life with my mom, in borrowed space, with all her “quarks” is just too much. I worked for my husbands company for the past 10 years, so I have no real career of my own or real way to provide for my girls. He hasn’t given me a penny to help with my girls (who I have full time)and for some reason feels he shouldn’t have to. So here is my question, I want to not only get a place of my own but have no real way of doing that making only about $800.00 a week at the job I have now, but I also would like to go to school to get my real estate license which I can’t do because then I wouldn’t be able to work this measly job (I should call it measly but…well it is). Are there grants out there for single moms to help support life while they go to school? The school is a specialty school, its not at a college, which is where I feel I’m running into issues. They seem to have grants for college which require so many credits and things like that, but is there something out there that I can apply for that would help me in my situation? Thank you so much for any assistance or guidance you can give me. I feel so desperately in need right now.
Laurie Overton says
Dear Jilll,
It sounds like you have gone through quite a bit. Sorry to hear your ex doesn’t feel you deserve any money for HIS girls, but that’s where he is 100% wrong. He is their father, and the other responsible parent, it’s just that simple. If you contact your District Attorney’s office, they will tell you the same thing, and you should file for child support. On this very website there is information about school grants and resources for the state in which you live. You make a very decent income compared to most single moms out there, so that is a good thing. Do your homework and find out what you may qualify for as far as school benefits and financial assistance. You do have employable skills, those 10 years at your husbands side with his company was a great stepping stone of experience. By all means find your real estate school, and move forward, but regarding your mom, even with her quirks, you need to live with gratitude and appreciation, for all that she does for you, especially for giving you and your girls a place to live. God Bless!
Mercedez says
Laurie,
Hello my name is Mercedez I am 23 years old and I have a 3 year old son. my sons father and I have been separated for a little over 2 years. his father isn’t a big part of his life. Its been just me and my son for the past 2 years and I made a promise to my son and myself that I would get us on our feet and be a happy family before getting back on the dating boat. We just recently moved to our own home about a month ago and we are doing great. Thing is I have a neighbor that my son took to pretty fast, they run around, play in the mud, we play at the park close to our house, and he does boy things with him. I really like him. he is so great with my son. when we started getting closer and began cuddling my son would get jealous and say no my mommy and be rough and whinny Im confused on what my child is wanting. Ryan my neighbor is so sweet and really makes me feel amazing. and my son likes him but don’t want us touching. Im just wanting to know what I should do about my son and dating, my son likes Ryan, Ryan likes my son but my son don’t like me and Ryan together. Any advice on what my next step is!? thank you for your time.
Laurie Overton says
Dear Mercedez,
It’s always a tough call to make when to start dating again. I don’t think one answer fits everyone’s situation. As for your son, he probably needs to feel safe and stable with you. The most important thing here, is to create that healthy and safe environment for him. He’s very young and just needs mommy’s guidance and love. If your neighbor is a good man/person, he will be understanding and compassionate about your sons feelings. Give this more time, and be patient. If love is in the air, make sure it goes to your child first, after all I’m sure things have been pretty difficult and confusing for him as well. Good Luck, and God bless!
Nadine says
Hi,
I’m a single mom of a kindergartener and her school is having a daddy daughter dance. I don’t know how to handle this. Her father has never been in the picture (he’s an abusive alcoholic) and I don not receive support. My question is what do I do about her friends asking where her dad is and what do I say say to her about the dance? I want her to be prepared before the flyer comes home and she is left sitting in the kindergarten class sad because she feel she can’t go because she has no dad?
Laurie says
Dear Nadine,
This is something I am very familiar with. My daughter’s father was hit or miss for years, and when her father-daughter dance came up, he promised he would take her. Unfortunately, he forgot and never showed up, even though he promised her several times. It’s the worst thing to see the let down and disappointment on your child’s face, but the best I can offer, is to be honest with your daughter, but have a conversation and ask her what she feels comfortable telling her friends. Sometimes a “white lie” isn’t about being dishonest, but sparing a child the embarrassment of being made fun of. My daughter’s friends thought she was going to the dance with her dad too, and when the next school day rolled around they all asked her why she didn’t come. She told them her dad got sick, even though she knew he forgot. I raised my children on my own too, because her dad was bi-polar. That is very rough on a school age child. Her dad missed many school events, and after awhile, in her own way she started telling her friends, her dad had an illness, and was sick. When you’re a kid, you just want to have a dad go to your school events like other dads. All my best to you Nadine, you sound like a loving mother who reminds her daughter that she is loved and special everyday whether dad is around or not. God Bless.
Shawn Kuhl says
Laurie, I have included my plight in the website box – I am a single mom raising two teenage boys by myself and I am trying to move from Lisle, Il. down to Springfield, Il. where my older sons live and running into the struggle of not having enough money to move and really not enough money to live here anymore. Both my older sons are willing to help me in anyway possible once I move there but of course I have to get there. On top of that my boyfriend and I of 3 1/2 yrs have recently found out we are expecting another child in November unfortunately he does not live with me and cannot afford to help me or even move because he is struggling himself even though I know he would if he could. My wish is to move down there by June and then he will try to come closer to when the baby is due because the lease on his apartment is not up until October. So really my question to you is do you know of any place I can receive financial help to make this move happen. I am extremely desperate now to make this happen soon because my lease is up in April and eventually they will be charging me month to month and my rent will go up another $340 dollars. Any advise anything at all? Thank you in advance
Laurie says
Dear Shawn,
I am so sorry to hear about your struggles. I am not sure how old your boys are, but you stated that they are living on their own, so I will assume they are over 18. As far as you and your boyfriend, I am a bit confused why you both are in separate dwellings, as expectant parents it makes more sense to live in one place and work as a team toward a better solution. Please look into the website right here, it gives you information state by state on various programs, and housing assistance. Your state should have prenatal care and medical coverage for you to ensure quality health for you and baby. Often times churches and out reach centers also have food banks and bus vouchers for traveling. I wish you all the best Shawn, but I feel it’s best for you and your baby’s father, your partner to work together on this solution as a couple. The best of luck to you all!
amy says
hello my name is amy and i am a single divorced mom of two girls. the divorce was bad. and he got everything. in just a few months we will homeless. if there is anyway that someone can assist us or tell me what to do i would be so grateful. i work for part time at 8 dollars an hour so it is very hard for me to be able to afford an apartment for myself and the girls. please if u can help give me a call or an email. please we really need it. thank yuou
281-520-8779
Laurie Overton says
Hi Katie,
Unfortunately, it looks like it’s time to seek legal counsel. Every city has some source of financial aid and assistance for free legal advice. I’ve been down this road before myself, and it’s sets the child up for heartbreak. You can’t change the father, but you can change the course you are on. Katie, when you take the necessary steps to get a visitation schedule in place, then if he neglects to follow through, it’s documented. It’ not an easy ordeal to see your child miss a parent who doesn’t make visitations a priority, but this way, you are choosing to make it your priority.The best of luck Katie, God bless.
Anna says
Hello
I am a single mother. Have an up coming job interview. Have no finances for rent at the present moment. If there is a single mother like I am, who have a house to offer her help to others, would be greatly appreciated .
CKMatthews says
Deliberately cutting contact could result in your child resenting you. I would suggest not initiating the contact. In other words don’t make the first move in setting up visitation. If your daughter ask then tell her that her father hasn’t said anything or called about setting up a time.
Do not ask him why he hasn’t called or why he didn’t show up. This only introduces opportunities for him to make excuses or argue – which creates the drama.
If you do not initiate the visitations and he doesn’t either then you can help keep your daughters mind occupied by setting up other activities. Eventually she won’t be as bothered by her missing father.
Leslie Kobzina says
I just recently had my daughter on October 23rd and am fortunate enough to have her father in my life but less fortunate in the fact that I do not have much health to speak for. My fiance and I will be moving around Monessen, PA around May and I had come up with the idea to try and find someone who could help me out part-time with child care during the day since he’ll be working and going to school while I’m disabled, in exchange for free rent and either free or extremely discounted utilities. Instead of just finding anyone we were hoping we could share some good fortune with a single mother of a small child who has perhaps fallen on hard times. That way we would not only get help part of the day when we need it but be able to help them part of the day too so they could work a full-time job but not have to worry about any of that money going towards housing so they could save up. The only thing is we don’t even have a small idea how to go about starting something like this. We both have clear criminal backgrounds and I’m not so disabled to the point that I can’t do anything but I have been suffering with Crohn’s Disease and Colitis for 14 years and as my daughter gets older, she is currently about 4 months, the harder it gets for me just due to the pain and constant fatigue I experience and the more she can run around the worse I’m afraid it’ll get and I want to make sure she has the opportunity to run around. I’d be happy to arrange a promise of a time commitment to someone and I figure if they have a small child especially a girl we could even discuss the children just sharing a room so they don’t feel cramped and they are just a stranger in someone’s home. I’ve had a lot of people help me out in my times of need and I just want to give back. I may be thinking a little outside the box with this idea but to me it makes sense and I feel like it could be a great opportunity for both of us to get the help we need. Thanks for any information you might have!
Laurie Overton says
Dear Lost,
I am so sorry you have been struggling. It sounds like the father can’t help you anymore. I don’t know if your 3 year old is in your care or the fathers? If he is in your care, make sure you file for child support. Are there any family members who could help you for a couple months? That might give you enough time to apply for housing and food. Our website here, offers information on resources by state. Also ask your local churches and find out what your city offers for low income families. There are good people out there to help. God Bless.
Laurie Overton says
Hi Mary,
I am so sorry to hear about your struggles. It sounds like you are a strong mother who simply wants what’s best for her family. Your oldest might be able to help offset your situation too. If he/she can find work, perhaps a schedule can be in place for both of you to alternate with care for the two younger children? I know fast food chains might not be your dream job, but they do offer several shifts, so that might be an option for you and your oldest child? Yes Mary, every state has resources for food, shelter and job opportunities. Contact your social services in the city where you live. They should be able to help with school assistance for you or your oldest and often times if you are a full time student, the school has daycare at a very low cost too. The best of luck Mary. God Bless you and your family.
Heather says
Hi Laurie,
I am a single mother of three. I am currently in a healthy, happy relationship with my boyfirend who is a single dad of one. I did not inroduce my children to any other men. I only introduced them to my current boyfriend after a year of dating. Since then, we have become “quite blended.” His ex-wife, however, has been with (and even lived with) three different men in the last year and has had their daughter involved with all of them (one of which it turned out was violent – we learned after the fact). I see behavior in her that I’m growing concerned about – obsession with boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, evertime there is a new living arrangement or new boygfirend with her mother, she acts out to seek attention. She is 5 years old. She is absolutely precious. Should I say something to the ex-wife/mother? I don’t want to sound judgemental – it’s out of true concern for her child (who happens to also be influencing my children). Then again, maybe it’s not my place. However, if the roles were reversed and I was causing my children to question their love, safety and security; I would want someone to let me know.
Laurie Overton says
Hi Heather,
I think this is where your boyfriend, the child’s father needs to step up and have this conversation with the child’s mother. You are valid to have these feelings, however, the parents of this child need to communicate better to help resolve the struggles and challenges that their child is going through. Yes, children want to get attached quickly to someone their parent loves, even if it isn’t the right person, the right time or long term. Young children have a need to connect and bond, it is in their nature to want a family around them. I would suggest to your boyfriend that he needs to discuss this important topic with his ex. I don’t know what their legal visitation order is, but perhaps they might need to re-visit their attorney if this doesn’t get resolved. A healthy and harmonious environment is in the best interest of their child. The best of luck to all of you, especially the child.
Mary Barnes says
Well I’m a single mother of 3.One is 22 and the other 2 are 11 and 12.We have been homeless for almost a year now. I have been to every shelter that I can think of and everyone has turned us down.I thought this was the hospitality state but I guess I was wrong.They look at us like we are beneath them.I cry everyday.I worry about my kids everyday. My babies are my world. And I am actively looking for work everyday. Please god someone help me so that I can get on my feet and have a home for the holidays and a job.I’m not a bad person ,everyone deserves a second chance. If anyone can feel where I’m coming from, show me the way and I can take it from there.
Ben says
Hi Laurie, I’m a guy and have a question about dating a wonderful single mom. It’s a bit long, I’m sorry!
I met a girl, she’s 31, and I’m 29. I’m not a rookie in the relationship/dating game, and am looking for that certain someone. Well, call it infatuation, but I knew she was special the day I met her.
For a straight month I was riding high. I met her 2 year old daughter, her family, and things seemed to be going very well. Her mother would always say how great I was with the girls (the brother has a 2 year old as well). The father seemed to like me a lot as we would banter about sports, and he would make reference to how he didn’t like the last guy much.
Little background on the girl. She had a fairly traumatic marriage that ended about 2 years ago. Husband cheated several times, she tried to work it out with him, but ultimately gave up. He is still in the picture.
Well, unfortunately, I wasn’t able to see the big picture. I let my emotions get the best of me, and things moved fairly quickly. I was very open about my feelings, and went out of my way to treat her like a queen. Not saying this is all bad, but I think for someone reeling from some relationship insecurities, and being very guarded, this can be a recipe for disaster. And it was. I asked her to be my GF, and immediately I realized I had rushed things. She began to shut down on me, and started pushing away. This lasted about a week, and she ended things. She said she wasn’t ready for that type of serious relationship, and that things moved too fast. She said she wanted to focus on being a mom. She went on to say I was the best guy she had ever dated, and I was perfect, but the timing just wasn’t right. It all seemed like fluff to me, and I think honestly I just scared the heck out of her and she freaked.
Well, we parted ways and didn’t talk for a few days. I thought long and hard about my next move as I did not want to pressure her in any way. This is what I came up with: If I was to bow out, and walk away she would inevitably move on with her life. The chances of us reconnecting down the road seemed slim to none. So I decided I would offer my friendship. I crafted up a nice text message (she hates talking on the phone, and I’m sure you ladies with little ones can relate, sometimes a text is just easier) and basically told her I didn’t feel great walking away from her completely. I said I would rather have her in my life in some regard than not at all, and that I wanted to remove the dating aspect completely. Said I wanted to be there for her as a friend, or just someone she can come to from time to time. Well, she responded and said she would love to keep me in her life still, and that she was just really overwhelmed. She actually mentioned wanting to meet up at some point (her idea).
Well it’s been a day, and I’m going to maintain no contact for a few days as everything is still fresh. I just don’t want her to feel pressured. I was thinking of asking her to coffee next week when her she’s off and her daughter is in daycare.
Here’s my question: Assuming she still has feelings, and perhaps just felt a bit smothered, do I stand a chance of possibly making my way back to dating this girl. I care about her immensely, and if I have to settle for being a friend, I will. But obviously, my end goal is her. Any suggestions or insight would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
Laurie Overton says
Dear Ben,
Can we clone you? Honestly Ben…here is what made this post so amazing. You like her enough to take it slower and put the friendship as your top priority. That is terrific! I suppose if truth be told, we hear it all the time…every couple should start off as friends first and grow from there. Jumping hoops right into the basket would scare off anyone who has the track record your “friend” has with men. You found someone who has your heart, and perhaps it was all too fast and overwhelming. Nothing is wrong if you both decide to back up a little. Women love to be courted, and pursued in the right way. Nobody’s judging because it went from 0 to 60 too quickly. We are all human and chemistry is chemistry. I say way to go Ben…let your feelings of friendship, trust and transparency shine through so “she” can gain the confidence of a real authentic relationship. You are doing it right…(men, take note!) And in no time, she’ll be falling back into your arms for good! Best of Luck…please give your mom a hug for me!
Ekko says
I’m a single mom and I’m having trouble with my kids when they come home from their fathers house he has them 2 nights a week and in those two night he can never seem to get my children to football and cheerleading practice everything they go over to their dads they call me telling me they want to quit. And their father is cool with that! It makes me so mad that he doesn’t support them or encourage them not to give up. Also when they return home they are so disrespectful to me because they hear how their father still talks to me after being separated for 6 yrs. I’m really concerned I’m almost to a point where I wanna take em perminatly but my kids have never been away from their dad. I really don’t know what to do I’m lossing my mind any words of wisdom
Laurie Overton says
Dear Ekko,
Sounds like you and the father are not on the same page regarding the parenting style for your kids. It’s a tougher battle when one parent acts like the cool, laid back parent who imposes no limits, or guidelines. If your children are in their sports and after school activities because they want to be in them, then you both have to rally together. However, if your kids don’t want those activities any more, that’s a discussion for all of you. I don’t mean to make assumptions here, but it sounds like the father is playing games with them and laying the groundwork for your kids choosing sides, that is just not cool. Do not let your ex talk disrespectfully to you anymore. It’s over between you two, and he still gets away with that? Your kids need to talk respectfully to you and know their boundaries. A firm loving parent guides their children, and teaches the values of love and respect. If your ex wants to undermine your role then perhaps a court order of visitation is worth considering. It sounds like your ex is teaching the kids that his verbal bashing is okay, it is not. Be strong, be the mom you know is great. Six years is a long time, to hand over your power of who you are to a man who talks like that. Love yourself, and know that you are worthy of a happier life! God Bless.
shirnekwa says
How can I apply too the single mother scholarship application
Laurie Overton says
Hi Shirnekwa,
Good for you looking into this! Actually if you see the tab about scholarships on this website, it explains how to apply and what the eligibility requirements are…God Bless, and good luck!
Kenya says
Hello I’m 20 and a mother of a 7 month old and my mother passed away . Its just me and my dad were all and we rent out a house and we can’t afford it anymore.. since my mom passed away…I need help where me and my dad can stay he gets SSO and I just get cash aid $500 a month.. I need help !!
Monica Dailey says
Hi Laurie, my name is Monica Dailey abd I’m a single mother and homeless. I have been looking for help sunce 8/9/14- I NEED an id, birth certificate fir me, 2 kids, sscards. I don’t know what to do. I’m in desperate need of help.
Laurie Overton says
Dear Monica,
I’m sorry life has been difficult for you and children. There are some good programs for you and your children. One is through the Health Resources and Services Administration. This is an agency that provides support and care for the homeless. Another is making a visit to your local Social Security Administration office, they will help you obtain the SS cards and might direct you for your ID card, which people usually get through the Department of Motor Vehicles. Also the HUD agency has much information for families in need. Your local library has computers to use to contact these different agencies. God Bless you Monica, saying a prayer that all goes well.
stephanie says
how do I get grants for school or scholarships I have applied a hundred times have not received one what do I do?? also I am a single mom who has daughter that father passed away I need assistance anyway I can get it what is the best way to get money?
Laurie Overton says
Hi Stephanie,
You are on the right website. You’ll find a tab for state assistance in housing, education, and legal counsel information. Gather as much information as possible to make informed decisions for you and your daughter. I don’t know how old your daughter is, but there are many schools that offer free and discounted childcare on campus if you are on public assistance and attending school. I wish you the very best, God Bless!
Danyell says
Hi am a 37 year old single mom of two kids who are 16 and 12 I came to detroit to live with my father to get away from an abusive relationship and now he wants me out beasue he and my daughter do not get along and i will soon be homeless. I really need my own place but have a bad rental history due to my past relationship and i know it will be hard for me too find a place i really need help .
Rachel says
Hi Danyell,
So sorry to hear about your situation. I’m actually working on a documentary about single mothers, and would like to speak with you further. We may have access to resources to help you and your kids. Feel free to email me at the email listed.
Laurie Overton says
Dear Danyelle,
First off, I am so sorry you have been through such difficult times. You made the right decision to leave an abusive relationship. There are several organizations in each state that offer assistance to single moms, and those who have come out of domestic abuse. I suggest you contact your local chamber of commerce, city hall, and even the local police departments, they have access and information that you are searching for. Don’t forget this very website that you are on, it offers direction to information in the state you live. Apply for assistance through local housing specifically targeting mothers such as yourself. You are not alone, there are many struggling with the same issues and going through the same circumstances. As far as family goes, I guess it’s best to be grateful for your father’s help and respect his boundaries. I wish you all the best, God Bless you and your family.
Tired Mommy says
I am a single working mom and have it better than most. My four year old son’s father sees him everyday and takes him regularly. I have a great job. My life is so good for a single mother. However, I am having issues with myself. First, here is our summer schedule. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday I take my son to his grandparents (it will be 1/2 day pre-k when schools starts five days 6am to 1pm). His fathers goes there as well every morning to see him before work (sometimes I am there, sometimes I have already left). After work, I pick him up and go home. Around 7:30 pm his father comes to eat his dinner (me and my son have eaten and bathed already), watch TV, play with our son, and pray and read story then he leaves. Thursday and Friday morning are the same except his Dad takes him home when he gets him from my house at 7:30 pm. (I always pick him up after work). My son and his father stay together all day on Saturday and I pick him up on Sunday at 12:00. The reason his father has him every Saturday is because I had to agree to let his father raise him as a 7th Day Adventist or he wouldn’t agree to have a child with me and they basically worship all Friday night and until sundown on Saturday. I never anticipated we would break up and am not the religion.
Further, he told me when I was six months pregnant that he was not in love with me. I was floored and hormone filled and felt like I was shot. Still we stayed together in a weird relationship until I confronted him about him seeing someone when our son was 4 years old. He was we broke up but this has been our schedule. I just told him that I do not want him coming to my house anymore and that he can call and talk to his son because I want to move on with my life. It is hard enough for me to deal with hearing about his girlfriend from my son without having to see his face everyday. He can still see his son in the morning at my parents but he can only come to my house to pick up our son or drop him off. No more long visits.
I am trying to deal with my emotions and am having a problem. I don’t know if I have depression or anxiety or am doing the wrong thing. I go days on end without sleeping and want to find peace. Please advise what you think. Thank you!
Laurie Overton says
Dear Tired Mommy,
It’s okay to re-think your situation. Obviously, you and your ex have a good thing when it comes to supporting the parenting with your son, however, it leaves you no room to grow and “move on.” Personally, I don’t think you need to be confronted with your ex as often as you are. Normally couples can’t agree on the visitation or time frames, but that doesn’t seem to be your problem. I commend you for lasting this long in this scenario. Your ex has found someone, and whether you want to or not, eventually that nice opportunity will come your way too. Most men would find it uncomfortable to have your ex eating breakfast and dinner with you, your son and your parents. It sounds a bit co-dependent on both sides. I would encourage your ex to plan a set schedule that works for both of you, and he will have to see his son at his home and plan their outings, away from you. My guess is, that you haven’t said “no,” and perhaps why you feel so down about yourself is because there isn’t a return of affection or desire to mend the relationship between dad and mom. He has found someone, and that’s the bottom line. It’s okay to feel a little down in the dumps and be sad, but don’t support the visit arrangements if it causes you angst. It has nothing to do with his own relationship to his son. You have shown kindness and have been very generous with your ex to help him and everyone, fix their life. Now instead of building someone else up, it’s time to work on mom, and find your new life too. Get your nails done, go to the show with a girlfriend, grab someone and go out to dinner, read a good book, take a bath, light a candle, draw a bath for yourself, pour a glass of wine, and with great self respect, tell yourself, “I am enough.” Sending hugs your way, and God Bless.
Anya says
Hi Laurie, I am a single mother of a 14 year old and I am about 6 months pregnant. I work full time and I have an education (I graduated finally last year after 13 years of part time studying). I have horrible financial stress right now that is starting to get unbearable. I don’t qualify for any services that are typically offered, for example I gross $400 a year to much for WIC, or low cost school lunches. And I gross significantly too much for housing assistance, food assistance, Medicaid, CHP or TANF. Are there any resources for people in my situation? I would take a second job but that’s nearly impossible with a baby on the way, I am already exhausted from being pregnant, working 40 hours a week and shuffling a teenager around.
Laurie Overton says
Dear Anya,
First off, regarding your educational success: Congratulations! I know all to well how hard it is to slowly, creep along when it comes to taking college courses, while raising a family, and working full time, but you did it, and that’s awesome! When I was running my licensed home daycare, I still couldn’t afford medical insurance for me and my children. It was long before Obama care was offered. I called our local welfare office and asked how I could enroll my children in health care. I was shocked to learn that if I chose not to work, or live where I was renting, (a home large enough for five kids and my daycare business), that if I “scaled down” because I earned a little too much to be accepted into the state welfare program, she told me if I quit my job I could reap the rewards of monthly cash aid, food stamps, and free health care for all. I questioned the woman on the phone, “Well how is that going to set an example to my children that if we are able bodied to work, then we must work to get ahead in life? I told her that’s not sounding very promising and certainly does not encourage anyone to strive for better.” So, I struggled and plodded along. I was determined after seeing their father lose job after job, that my kids would know how to work hard and do their best, and that it would pay off in the long run. Life isn’t always fair, but how we live it, what we chose to do with ourselves, not only shapes our future but the future of your children. Hang in there, you are doing an amazing job, already showing your teenager that education is important, it opens doors to more opportunities along the way. You are teaching valuable lessons and standing tall as a parent. It isn’t easy when we get tired and drained with all of the responsibilities on our shoulders. Take a deep breath, tackle one thing at a time. Don’t get more overwhelmed, the bills will be there, make arrangements with billing, and perhaps if you keep looking for another door to open, I believe it will, to an even better life ahead. God Bless you and your children. Sending a hug to you for a healthy delivery and happy baby!
Laurie Overton says
Dear Pulgarcyta,
You are a friends, good friend. I think it’s very nice of you to come up with ideas for extra money for your single mom friend. Having an extra set of eyes on possible job finds is always a good thing…as long as you are not the only person really looking for those better opportunities. Your friend needs to be earnestly seeking the best situation for herself and her child too. Yes, you can earn decent money as a single mother, many do. What job, and what situation will depend on your friend; her work skills, abilities, location, hours, availability and so forth. I got licensed in my state as a home daycare provider and raised 5 children on that income. I was a renter, and fortunately was able to stay put for 16 years in the same place. That helps provide stability for your child and yourself. It sounds like your friend needs to stay planted, and not give up or give in too easily in searching for what’s best for her and the child. Since you are such a good friend, focus on encouraging her to search for a better job that can grow with her in the future, or encourage her to go back to school where she can use child care credits for her child….but try to stay away from enabling her too much, it’s easy to look to others for solutions, when very often we already know what we must do. Good Luck and God Bless.
Pulgarcyta says
Hello! I am writing because I have a friend that is a single mom, she has been struggling for quite sometime with a part time job, that has been shown to be a dead end for a while, has moved like three times already, and finally she called me today and said that she doesn’t have any money to pay rent next month because her part time job is not really working out… I make jewelry and told her she should take my pieces and sell them and I’ll give her a percentage. (I had offer this months ago, but she did not want to do it) But I feel she could be just applying for other jobs instead of trying to “make something work at the last minute” kind of thing? I love her and her son too, but sometimes I feel she is not doing all she needs to do to get things in line. Of course I am not in her shoes, so what do I know, right? I just would love to be able to help her with ideas and support her with positive messages that it is actually possible to make money and be a single mom. Is it??? Any ideas you’d like to share would be lovely! Thank you so much in advance for your suggestions!
ms says
Is it possible get sole custody cause I raised my son without child support for six years and there’s emotinal damage and chronic illness violation of court order visitation too much drama cps etc I’m tired and sick of it neglecting his medical attention please is it possible my son and he’s 14 want it stopped ty
Laurie Overton says
Dear MS,
I’m very sorry you are dealing with these issues. Finding the source of information and knowing your rights is the best place to start. I believe you can talk to the District Attorney’s office and file for back child support. They in turn will contact the father and start the process to collect money owed. As far as your custody rights and visitation go, I would suggest you contact an attorney. They have free legal counsel agencies in every city and state. On this very website we offer information on contacting free legal services. The best of luck, and don’t lose sight of the bigger picture, the health and welfare of both your child and yourself. God Bless.
Lisa Senske says
I am a single Mom of my 5 year old daughter who has been getting fevers a lot lately. Preschool demands they go home for a fever of 100 and over. I am missing so much work, but what am I suppose to do? I am alone here and have no family around really. Even if I did, your child wants and needs their Mommy when they are sick. She is starting kindergarten soon and God, I hope it gets better. My company and my boss seem to understand but that’s just heresay. I have pto time I am using but I still feel terrible and worried I will be fired. In Arizona, it’s employment at will, so they can fire me, right? How do single moms hold down jobs when their kid is sick? Its getting frustrating. Plus I work with two other ladies and they have to pull up my slack when I am gone…I am really stressed out. I need an at home position where I can be home when my kid is sick.
Laurie Overton says
Dear Lisa,
I can relate to your frustrations on so many different levels. First as a mother who wants only the best for her child, then as a breadwinner who had few options to choose from, and lastly as the only caregiver to count on. I would love to say I have the perfect answer, but honestly I don’t. However, I do have several ideas and options for you to think about. As far as your employer goes, a sick child, is a sick child, you can’t be punished or fired because you are being a loving, responsible parent. On the other hand you can search for a licensed child care provider who will take in a semi-serious sick child, trust me, they really have these providers. Always make sure they have been fingerprinted, and have gone through a criminal background clearance. As far as your co-workers are concerned, talk to them about your frustrations and thank them for helping out at work, if they are parents, they will understand, if they just want to be bitter, you need to speak to your employer. As a former licensed daycare provider, the state was strict about enforcing regulations on health issues because of dealing with “other” children. My oldest daughter’s child has been ill off and on all last year. Sometimes her employer was empathetic, and other times he was not. It’s just the way it goes. You are doing your best, and you are absolutely right, a sick child just needs their mommy…even though that comes with trade offs, guilt, and juggling everything else parents have to do. It will get better, they do out grow their illnesses, but for now take a deep breath, use your time off when necessary, and know that thousands of mothers out there are facing the same challenges as you. Network with other moms for occasional back-up child care, it’s a great way to avoid costly day care expenses and shrinking paychecks. The best of luck, God Bless.
Kimberly Boyd says
Dearest Laura, I need help! I’m not doing so good……. it seems as of lately I have been stressed over everything and I domt want to be that way around my daughter… I’m struggling as a parent, with money and living expenses, I don’t know who else to turn to or where to go…. please help me…..
Laurie Overton says
Dear Kimberly,
First off, YOU are not alone. I am very sorry you are feeling overwhelmed right now. I know it seems as if it will never end, but it will. Someday soon, you will turn that corner and find yourself navigating you and your family in the direction you were meant to lead. Nobody said this “single mom parenting” was going to be easy, and often it feels like it’s everything but that. Take a slow deep breath Kimberly, because your daughter looks to you for calm, and direction. Your first priority is as her mother and teaching her coping skills, comes from you. I know it’s tough, and sometimes you might feel like you’re sick of being the strong one all the time, but this is our role, and our children didn’t ask for these hardships. Talk to your family, tell your best friend, speak to someone in a church, let others know you are hurting and have those conversations with adults. Too often kids are stuck in the crossfire and they don’t want to relate to grown-up conversations, nor should they. I have faith in you Kimberly, you will make it through this hard time in your life, and because of it, you will come out stronger and more confident than ever. Let the source of your fears become your greatest strength, it worked for me when I felt this way too. You are in my prayers, and always remember, your child is your greatest gift. God Bless.
Codi West says
I’ve got an 11yr old daughter with Asperger’s and a 10yr old son whom I have full custody of & been divorced for 5yrs. About 2 years ago I discovered I had Melanoma. My ex moved me and the kids back in while I went through surgeries to remove the cancer. I had to quit my job and become completely reliant on him for a while which I felt was all in the best interest of my children at the time. I’ve had to start from the ground up to get back on my feet and rebuild a stable life for my kids. Since we moved out for the second time a year ago my son has had issues with playing us against each other and my daughter will agree with anyone on anything. Their father who once took me in and was very supportive is now hateful and constantly threatening to take the kids away or bash me to them and his family since he’s now remarried and expecting a new addition. My son will tell him whatever he wants to hear and he is constantly coming after me for neglect. I’ve just completed a bankruptcy due to bills he recently stopped paying on from the divorce. I’m a single mom. I work full time for not near enough. We live in the country and I’m home every evening to make dinner, off on the weekends, house is as clean as a house with kids can be, they have a babysitter even though they are to old in my opinion. I’m busy trying to be a supermom with health issues and I feel like my kids completely resent me for not being home more. They have chores and extremely limited electronics on purpose which he feels is wrong. They don’t have it as easy at my house as they do his. I’m trying my hardest to raise independent hard working kids who understand that things aren’t entitled to them. I can’t prevent the way their father acts out, but how can I help my kids ?
Laurie Overton says
Hello Cody,
Sounds like life has given you many twists and turns. You know that saying: When it rains, it pours. Well I believe it sounds like hurricane weather in your neck of the woods. I am sorry to hear about your melanoma scare, and certainly hope you are in the clear now. As far as your kids go, sometimes they do play parent against parent if the two of you aren’t on the same page, as far as parenting principles and boundaries go. Having said that though, each of you apparently have different rules in your separate homes. I am not judging either of you because, unfortunately, that comes with divorce. However, I never think it’s fair to the children when either parent bashes one over the other, that’s below the belt and tells your child they aren’t worth much either. Remember kids have two parents, even if you disagree with his style of parenting or vice versa, the common goal should always be:
Love your children, teach them by example, and be patient and compassionate during this transition. They didn’t ask for these problems, and they shouldn’t be the scapegoat or the middle man. They are innocent bystanders in a very grown-up situation. I wish you the very best and hope that you believe in yourself, the good mother you are and know that in time, everything will work out for the best. Let your kids be kids, listen to what they are telling you and guide them with your heart. God Bless.
JL says
Hi, I have been divorced for almost 4 years. I have a 10 year old girl. She goes to her dad’s on Fridays and Saturdays and I have her on the other days. I’ve been lonely on and off, and it gets bad sometimes when my daughter is not with me. I don’t have much of an emotional support. I was depressed at some point and saw a therapists for almost 2 years. I’m better now but just that sometimes it hits me. Like earlier, her grandma (my Ex’s mom) texted me to call her tomorrow to discuss about taking my daughter on a trip during summer vacation. I really hate it when summer is around the corner. That means I won’t see my daughter for at least a week. I do have family and friends but everyone is busy. I do try to keep myself busy. It’s just that the feeling of not having my daughter for all those days makes my stomach sick. I really hate that feeling. I feel like crying. Am I depressed again?
Laurie Overton says
Hi JL,
Sometimes life just hits us all, and we reflect on where we are and what we’ve gone through. Every divorced parent has felt this way at some point, you are not alone. It sounds like you feel lost when your daughter goes to visit her dad, and gets the opportunity to have some fun summer visits with grandparents. I understand your feelings, but what’s really important JL is that you don’t put that guilt onto your daughter. Our children aren’t supposed to fix their parent’s loneliness, they are just children. I know there are times when it can be overwhelming, wishing for easier and happier times ahead. It’s easy to slip into sad thoughts, and feel sorry for ourselves, I used to feel that way too. My kids brought me joy and inspired me to become a better Laurie, though I’m sure I made my share of mistakes along the way. It’s not healthy to have your daughter be your only substitute for all your sad and lonely times, that puts a lot of pressure on her to “fix” you and that’s not fair to a kid. Remember our kids want to see us soar and believe in ourselves and be happy knowing we are all growing and learning to be our best selves. Talk to friends and family when you have these moments…let them know you need to talk and vent. Try to imagine your daughter’s feelings when she visits her dad, or goes to a summer break with a grandparent….and send her off with a smile and a courageous spirit that you are happy for her to have these relationships, after all, these people are part of her life too. Don’t wish summer away, or wish for time to pass quickly, believe me it goes by way too fast already. Savor these years and teach your daughter how women are strong, smart, sensitive, stable and spectacular beings…love her and yourself enough to let her have fun and know that mommy will be okay too. It’s a gift you can give to both of you. The best of luck, and you are a great mom! God Bless.
Samantha says
I agree. I tell my kids to have a great time at daddy’s house even though inside it’s killing me. I have to put a smile on my face and encourage them to see their dad because it’s the right thing to do. For them. I miss them like crazy when they’re gone and sometimes I feel the same way. BUT they need a relationship with their father and I know that I cannot let how I feel get in the way. I set that aside. That is not an easy thing to do. I just found this site today. Thank God. I am recently divorced. My husband left me for another woman. We have four kids. He has two I have two. We were together for 18 years. Our kids are mostly teens and this is the hardest thing I have ever been through in my life. Hello. I am Samantha.
laura vazquez says
I am a mom of 2 beautiful girl since last year i am separate from my husband
i have depresion lately i been feling very lonley ,sad , i know i am strong woman but sometimes i feel to much is on me i will like to know wath can i do my writing is not so good but i am working on it
Laurie Overton says
Hi Laura,
Well, being the mom of two beautiful girls, is an accomplishment right there and much to be proud of. Even the strongest women/mothers have gone through periods of depressed feelings, sadness and loneliness. We have all been there. The key to unlocking that sadness is staying connected to people who can lift your spirit and help you find comfort and love. First talk to friends and family for support and emotional connection, and let them know you need understanding and emotional support. Surround yourself with positive, optimistic people, and perhaps if you belong to a certain faith, try reaching out to them, most religious institutions have groups that offer inspirational support and friendship. So much of who we are is attached to the person we shared our lives with, but you are terrific, special and important with or without a partner…always remember that. You are teaching your girls that though life can be hard sometimes, you are strong and want the best life for you and your daughters. This is your most important role to show them how to be treated, how to treat yourself and to be true to yourself. You are their teacher. The very best of luck, and God Bless.
Donna says
Hi , I have been searching the internet fir information about the qualifications required to receive a grant for college. Specifically, if you have bad credit or bankruptcy can you still be eligible for a grant? I can’t seem to find the answer anywhere.
Thank you in advance
Laurie Overton says
Hi Donna,
I think it’s terrific that you are looking into grants. There is nothing better for yourself, as a mother, and role model to pursue your dreams and education opens the door to endless possibilities! Right here on this site, singlemom.com there is a specific tab for financial resources and grants is one of the topics. Just find the link and click on it to search for your answer. I am certain there are many options for educational assistance and grants for your needs. Good luck Donna and more power to you for reaching for the stars! God Bless.
Dusty says
I’m struggling really, really bad financially. I’m on the verge of being homeless. I cant find ANY kind of resources here in Texas that can help me. I have two little boys 5 and 4. Do you know of any resources that can help me. I do have a job, but I’m not getting but a few hours a week. I cant find another job because I cant work the hours due to my kids. Will you please help me find some kind of resources here in Texas for single parents that can help me????????
Laurie Overton says
Hello Dusty,
I am very sorry you are going through such tough times. I hope the following resources will get some of your questions answered. Like other states, Texas has a terrific program especially for single moms. One is https.//www.oag.state.tx.us try this site for a specific program you need. Also the TANF program can offer $1000.00 for a family in crisis, and the SNAP program is all about food benefits, and healthy choices. This one http://www.twc.state.tx.us/svcs/childcare/ can offer free childcare or low cost childcare based on your income while you find a job or attend school. Texas also has charitable organizations that lend a (free) hand with childcare while you move, search for work, or attend school. The best of luck Dusty…and God Bless you and your family.
Joy Small says
Hi Laurie, my husband decided that after 10 years of being married to me he no longer wants me in his life are around i know for a fact that he is and has been cheating on me for sometime now. I guess i just didn’t know how to move on. we have a 7 year old and i do not work. i have been a staying home mom for the last 7 years. on December of 2013 i was lucky to get apart time job which ended when the holidays was over, and that didn’t work out very well for me either because it was very hard with no help from him and having to get my daughter to and from school and still be on time for work. i had a girlfriend at the time who helped out now she no longer lives close by. I would love to work and be able to take care of myself and my daughter, not only is it hard for me to find a job but even if i did i wouldn’t have anyone to drop are pick my daughter up from school. i have no idea where to begin looking for help.
Laurie Overton says
Dear Joy,
That’s a beautiful name and you will find that again. I share your pain and frustrations. I too, was a home-maker and loved every minute, but when my marriage fell apart, I was left to be our family’s bread winner, and I had to think fast. I loved children , and with five of my own , there was no hesitation in my decision to become a licensed child care provider. However, in your case, I believe you can make it with employment opportunities and schooling. What have you always wanted to do? Nowadays it seems every community college has on site childcare as long as the parent (mother) is enrolled full time. Their centers are well known for excellent care, because they are mostly students of the Child Development programs, so their instructors are very involved with everything. As far as help and support goes, try looking into the community resource centers for after school programs. Also wherever your child attends school, perhaps they also have an after-school program that as a single mom, you could meet the eligibility status for funding. Some are free because of single parents income status, so that’s worth looking into. I truly believe your local churches can be of great help too. They usually all have resources and information on support groups, (that’s where I found my co-dependency workshop group for me, and it was life changing) perhaps babysitting help, and even contact information regarding job opportunities. You haven’t mentioned whether the father in this matter would be of help, so I will assume, it’s all on you. However, he is the father and therefore is responsible to help care for his child, at least financially, and that is best in the hands of the Child Support service agency. I’m sorry about the third party situation, but it sounds like this wasn’t a surprise to you, so maybe this means you are ready to take better care of yourself. Moving forward is never easy, but in time you will see a more confident young woman in yourself, and even a better role model to your daughter. All women should be valued and respected. I believe you can do this and find your new Joy! God Bless.
WabiSabi says
I was just wondering if anyone has moved abroad and then relocated back to their home country? I am the single mother of a 6 year old, living abroad and next year will be moving back to the USA (Seattle, WA). I am moving to a new city where I won’t have family or friends to stay with. And unfortunately the timing is a matter of weeks before school starts. Is it possible to enroll a child in school without an address to prove residency? I can’t get a lease to prove residence as I won’t have a job. Plus open enrollment ends in February – I won’t be returning to the states until August (about 2 weeks before school starts)…any advice? I keep running in circles, I’ve searched for months and I can’t find information about anyone who has done this before.
Laurie Overton says
Dear WabiSabi,
You have a lot going on right now! The first thing that comes to mind is, whatever city you plan on moving to, contact the chamber of commerce, or the City Hall in that location. They should be able to provide all the answers about school admissions policies and residency requirements. Another tip, if you have decided on the school that you want your child to attend, inquire if they have an after school program…perhaps that would help while you are searching for employment opportunities. As far as funding goes, check your states eligibility to see if you qualify for funding to help with after school care costs and enrollment fees. I’m not sure if you have already found a job where you will be moving back to, but if not, even a job at a Starbucks or fast food chain can establish your residency…you can always change jobs when something better comes your way. You will find great women and friends such as yourself, perhaps through your child’s school, local church groups and community resource centers. The Best of Luck! God Bless.
cynthia maldonado says
i was living with my mother in law in san diego county for 8 months. she has kicked my daughter and i out. we are currently going between friends homes. i have filed a restraining order on my soon to be ex husband. he is currently living somewhere with his girlfriend. he has up until out emergency court hearing for our daughter denied the son im pregnant with. my sister was helping and had me a baby shower and bought me a car seat and playpen. however because of a argument she has decided to move all my stuff to her aunt in laws in Bakersfield and refuses to give some stuff and said she is going to return the car seat and playpen. i have no money to buy the clothes,playpen,car seat, bottles. my two friends have been trying to help as much as they can. i have been looking into shelter options but i am afraid to go into that with my 6 year old daughter. and considering i am a high risk pregnancy from all the extra stress i can go into labor they said at any time. but its hard not stress with no family support.
If you know of any resources in los angeles, ca that can help can you please let me know.
Jill Eriksson says
My dearest Cynthia,
My husband and I have no organization but we give every year some money and support (buying groceries, giving clothes, and help with paying for childcare). Why don’t you email me and we can discuss the options? We would love to help you and your daughter. You are not alone and there is help. Email me pls if you want !
Many thanks,
Jill
abhie says
hi Laurie.May I ask if there’s help for education here in the philippines?
Laurie Overton says
Dear Abhie,
I would suggest you contact your city resources. I am not sure what your government policies are pertaining to funding, grants or financial assistance, but I am certain if you ask your local community officials, you will find your answers. The best of luck, Laurie.
crystal says
hi laurie im a single mother I live in Brooklyn I work as a waitress and im looking for help finding an apartment its an emergency situation, public housing or hud is preffered can u please help!?
Laurie Overton says
Hi Crystal,
I’m sorry you’re in an emergency situation. I hope the following information might be of help to you. Brooklyn Housing Family Services 718-435-7585 and their 24/7 voice mail box # 718-436-4587. Their address is 415 Albemarle Rd. Brooklyn, New York 11215
I wish you the best of luck Crystal! God Bless.
Kris says
How can I help a single mom who admits she can only handle her strong-willed son four days a week and needs to be able to take a week to ten day break from him every few months?
I take him for 72 hours straight, days she needs to work during weather issues as well as whenever she gets physically ill from parenting stress.
Laurie Overton says
Hello Kris,
First of all I don’t know if you are a family member, a neighbor, or a very good friend, but you are awesome. However, with that said I think you need to have “the talk” with this parent. Friend, relative, or other, it’s time to share your feelings and be heard too. As a single mom, parenting is overwhelming,s and often these moms don’t get the needed breaks they deserve. Although in your case, it sounds like this person gets plenty of them. It’s a great thing to be there in the sense of “it takes a village” to help raise children, but be careful that you are not enabling her to rely on you too much and not address her parenting issues. Unfortunately Kris, as good a person as you are, you might be perpetuating your “friends” problem, even more. If you don’t address your concerns, you might end up feeling resentment towards her and your friendship could pay the price. Something I heard years ago, applies here: “You teach people how to treat you.” You sound like a loving, caring friend, and I can tell you want to help your friend, but it sounds like you really want her to become a more involved parent. You might have to take a big step back, in order for that to happen. The best of luck Kris! God Bless.
Stephanie says
Hello, my name is Stephanie and I am a single mother of a 5 year old daughter. I have been having many problems with her father over the years (to say the least) and really don’t know how to handle it in order to not hurt my daughter anymore than she already does. We had to go through the court system for custody after he refused to give her back to be a few times when he had her; I have full custody while he has the right to look at her school and medical records. He’s supposed to give me a week’s notice when he wants to take her, and 20 hours a week of visitation. He goes months without seeing her, then when we bump into each other (out and about) he expects me to let him take her. Seeing as it’s court ordered about giving me a head’s up when he wants her and never does, why should I bow down to him? Then again my daughter is so excited and happy just to see him that I look like the bad guy telling him that he can’t take her. He has a girlfriend that he lies to (he did it to me when we were together…made it seem like it was his child’s mother that was the problem and that’s why he never saw them). Now I’m in the same boat because he comes to me with nonsense saying “well, when I get ahold of you, you never answer’ when he knows damn well he NEVER contacts me about her… never has. He does things to get under my skin, but the last time he actually took her, he went way over the line- He went out with my daughter and his girlfriend and got my 4 year old’s ear’s pierced. He knows I’m very much against it and even tried rushing to get away when I came to pick her up. I don’t speak bad of him to my daughter, I dont yell at him or even contact him anymore. My question is; Is there anything I can do legally to stop all this? I’d rather him sign his rights over but he would never do that… but he still continues to hurt my baby and do stupid things when he actually has her. Please help. Thanks!
Laurie Overton says
Hi Stephanie,
It’s always a tough call to make when the other parent isn’t complying with “the rules.” In this case it’s a court order. While I’m sure your daughter is excited to see daddy whenever you run in to him, it’s smart of you and best for all, to stick to the ruling. I’m sure it must be difficult to explain that to your child, but in a loving manner remind her she will see him very soon. Don’t make it easy for him to take her, unfortunately, this is the side effect of a court ordered visitation. On the other hand, I’m pleased to hear you don’t “bash” him in front of your child, those comments are never healthy for kids to hear. As far as the ear piercing goes, that’s a discussion that should be shared by both parents. If more incidents come up like that, perhaps consulting a legal aid counselor on your parental rights might be wise in future matters. The best of luck to you, and remember your child’s well being is what matters most. God Bless.
JB says
I’m a single mother to a 6 yr old son and I’m 9 weeks pregnant. I have 4 days left to find shelter for my son and I. The area I live in is st Tammany parish La.
Can you please send me any information you could possibly help me out with in this time of crisis?
THANK YOU!
Laurie Overton says
Hello JB,
The best I can tell you is look online for State Assistance and enter your town and state. I see La has many programs available, even with the recovery process still ongoing from Hurricane Katrina. Rental, food, medical and other services are open for assistance.
God Bless you and your children.
Hilda Miller says
Hi. I am trying to ask about legal aid help, as I am a single mother of four. In the 27106 area of NC. Can you help me? thanks so much.
Laurie Overton says
Hi Hilda,
Yes, you have your hands full! I would suggest you contact “North Carolina State Assistance” website…they offer housing assistance, healthcare benefits, food and childcare assistance.
The best of luck to you. God Bless.
adorn jones says
How long can you be on a waiting list for housing I’ve been waiting list for over 18 months maybe longer
Laurie Overton says
Hi Adorn,
I imagine this answer would vary from state to state, and based on your personal situation. Sometimes it can take up to a year or more, but in other cases it can be much earlier. Contact Your Local Housing Authority and enter your zip code, name of city and state and you should be able to find more answers to this question. The best of luck, God Bless.
rathernotsay says
Dear Laurie,
I’m planing a birthday party for my 5 year old. Although her father is a part of her life he doesn’t help financially. To make a long story short. I do not have any contact with his new girlfriend. He has never tried introducing her to me nor do I even care to. I know it sounds immature but the things they did to me while I was pregnant are unforgivable. In trying to move on its a little hard when his father keeps telling me he regrets what he did and hes not happy where he’s at, she makes stupid comments to my son about me. When I have mentioned them to his dad he of course defends her and doesn’t believe me so I just don’t bother with telling him anymore. He thinks I make up stuff just to cause a scene. Anyway, my son asked me to invite his dad to his birthday. His sister contacts me from time to time to check on her nephew because she said she doesn’t see him anymore because no one likes her brothers girlfriend. I invited her to his birthday party and she proceeded to invite the rest of the family. Which I don’t mind but I don’t know if I did good or bad since his dad just told me he wasn’t going because of the relationship between his girlfriend and I. I told him it wasn’t about us it’s about his son. I don’t know if I did good or bad in inviting his family. I wasn’t going to but I didn’t want his sister to find out and be upset with me about the birthday party. I’m sad and hurt for my son. How someone can chose their significant other over a child is just beyond me.
Laurie Overton says
Dear Rathernotsay,
It’s always difficult when relationships end and you’re left with more questions than answers. The bottom line is your child’s father and his family is, and hopefully will be a big part of your daughters life. The fact that your daughter asked to have her father at her birthday celebration, begs the conversation, that she loves him and wants him in her life. Now, whether or not the new girlfriend is okay with this, isn’t the issue. The relationship between father and daughter, and family is most important. Grown ups need to be adult about situations involving children, they are not the cause of these rifts, and should not pay the price. Take the higher road, and extend the olive branch of courtesy. If your ex is with someone new, that person is a part of his life too. Explain to your ex, this other person is welcome in your home, excluding any drama and remember, this is about a child’s request for her father, and her birthday wish. All parties involved need to focus on positive thoughts for your daughters sake. The more energy you place on the negative, the more it surrounds you. Take a deep breath, and do what’s best for your daughter. It sounds like you feel the same. Good Luck, and I hope her Birthday is a special one!
haylee says
How do I have the talk with my daughter (who is 7) about why she doesn’t have a dad? Of course, she does, but he chose to bail when she was barely born and is now in jail (has been in and out of jail since her birth). I have skated around the issue when things like Father’s Day or special events at school come up for Dads – either I go, or she has her grandfather. But for now, I have just explained that all families are different – some have just a mom, sometimes just a dad, sometimes grandparents only or even 2 moms in some cases. It hasn’t been a major issue – but my kid is extremely strong-willed and very curious – and also mature for her age. She was raised by me and spends most of her time with me – the only interactions she has with kids her age is at school. So, I guess I need to know when and how do I tell her the “truth”? It’s not a good story and it IS going to hurt her when she finds out the type of person her biological sperm donor is. I will never call him a father because he has never been one – and to me, it takes more than biology to be considered a “father”. Thanks in advance for your insight.
Laurie Overton says
Hi Haylee,
It certainly is a difficult time, when children get older and know something is missing from their lives, in this case someone. Now that you realize your daughter needs some answers, it’s time for further discussions. I never feel it’s a good thing to bash talk an ex…even if they totally deserve it, but don’t get me wrong, I also don’t believe you should pretend they’re awesome when they aren’t. However, this man is her father. I have seen the hurt and anger on children’s faces when parents criticize and put down the other parent. Parents must remember your child is a part of the other parents DNA too, and so much is riding on your child’s self worth and self esteem right now, so it’s a fine balance. Perhaps if you shared a story of when you first met, and how much you loved each other, because all kids want to know they were wanted and came from love. Then you can add the fact that things happened that were not good and it was no longer healthy or safe to stay together. Although kids are very smart, be careful not to share too much grown up language, it can be overwhelming. Maybe share an example, just like school friends that are cool in the beginning and then turn into “the mean kid” parents and grown ups can change like that too. Keep what happened between the two adults, making sure your daughter understands it had nothing to do with her. Believe me, in time, as your daughter gets older, and if “dad” continues on the same path, she will see his “true colors” and draw her own conclusions. The best of luck Haylee, you sound like a great mom!
chrissy says
Hello my name is Chrissy. I am a 27 yr old single mother of 2 wonderful boys. They are 5 & 8. I don’t know what I would do without my boys and love them with every bit of my heart. My boys usually get along great and play well together. Here lately in the past months they argue non-stop. I mean over it all. I have done time outs, grounding, taken things away, etc. Nothing has.worked I feel.like I am loosing control. Can anybody offer any tips on this or offer.advice? I w oud greatly appreciate it. I dont know.if.im doing something wrong or maybe there is a method I havent discovered yet. PLEASE HELP
Laurie Overton says
Hi Chrissy,
I raised 3 boys and 2 girls, and I always heard the phrase, “boys will be boys.” I’m not sure I ever truly understood what that was supposed to mean, except that girls and boys are different in many ways. All parents have their troubled moments with kids, they can disagree and test each other, in ways that can be frustrating for sure. As a single mom, my kids weren’t angels all the time either, but they were very close and played like best friends. As parents we need to teach our kids how to resolve issues without fighting, because in the bigger world, it doesn’t work that way. In reading your message, I am wondering if something happened recently? Is there someone at school they are having problems with? Is there an issue with daycare? Has something changed suddenly in their life, surroundings or other? If this is new behavior, you can bet there is something that triggered it. Ask their teachers if they have noticed any changes in class, or with other students. Kids seem to thrive on routines, and stability…perhaps something is new or different and the boys are reacting. In any case, I had “House rules” on arguing and working out my children’s differences. I was pretty firm on respect and manners to each family member and I called a “family meeting” … so everyone could share their feelings. It may sound corny, but eventually everyone had something to say, and it was a great way to show my kids, I was listening, and they could talk about their feelings, however, the bottom line was hurting each other was not acceptable. It definitely helped our family stay closer and more connected. The best of luck Chrissy. Parenthood is always a work in progress, and talking about it is a great start.
LAVERNE BROWN says
I AM A SINGLE MOTHER I LIVE WITH MY GRAND MOTHER I HAVE A PART-TIME JOB WITH A SMALL SALARY, I HAVE TWO CHILDREN, I HAVE APPLIED FOR MANY JOBS WITH NO SUCCESS TO DATE. MY G-MOTHER IS MOVING TO SENIOR HOUSING VERY SOON. I DONT HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO PAY FOR MOVING EXPENSE, FIRST AND LAST MONTHS RENT. MY CIRCUMSTANCE WILL NOT ALLOW ME TO GET A LOAN. IS THERE ANY RESOURCES THAT WOULD HELP WITH MY FINANCIAL SITUATION. I LIVE IN ST LOUIS, MO.
Laurie Overton says
Hi Laverne,
First off, I am very sorry you are having a difficult time right now. I am a believer in change, and the fact that your grandmother is going to live in a senior housing complex, might be a blessing in disguise. I don’t know if you belong to a church, but if you do they can help in several ways. In California there are food banks connected to churches, and you could give your name and information in case someone is also looking for a room-mate…and they sometimes help with deposits on rentals. Another good source of information is giving your contact number to local pre-schools as there are many single moms looking to share expenses. It’s a start until you can live on your own. Good luck, and God Bless.
Lisa says
Hello,
I am a single mom who once filed for child support, but then went back to the child support office to put in a request to stop the process because my child’s father talked me into it. The child support office canceled the financial support, and is enforcing medical support. Long story short, I lost my job, and now my child’s father is not helping me financially. I reapplied for financial services but was denied, and told that I have to wait three years for a review of the services to get a financial order. Is there anything I can do to get the financial part of the order enforced without having to wait 3 years?
P.S. I have two years left 🙁
Laurie Overton says
Lisa, my heart breaks for you. When you are trying so hard to raise a child, it’s not fair of the father to ask you to “hold off” on child support. Whether he is employed or not, this is his child too, and therefore, his responsibility as well. It sounds like he made some promises that he didn’t follow through with, but my suggestion from now on, proceed with child support and stay strong. Perhaps because you lost your job since the first request, they might look in favor of re-submitting your claim now. Good Luck and God Bless.
Lisa says
My name is Lisa Martin, I am a single mother with two children and am a junior at JSU with a 3.6 GPA. My college career began while my children and I were still living in a domestic violence shelter four years ago this month. My son was five years old and my daughter was three! I made a decision then that we would never again be in that situation! I did try at first to work attend class and be a mother, but was unsuccessful because the help just isn’t there. At $7 an hour you can’t make ends meet. So, I decided to take out student loans (without complete understanding I’m embarrassed to say) to help us to start over and build a foundation for a better future. Embarrassingly enough, I learned recently that I had met my aggregated amount on my loans. I have no one who can help me with my children so I took what hours I could take that would give me the flexibility to be here when they got home from school. While my education has become a huge part of my life, My children are my first and most important priority. Just to be clear, There is not an option to quit! It is not going to happen and I will find a way to finish my education and reach my goal of security for my children and myself. I do not have income to pay the loan back and don’t have the credit to take out a personal loan. I have put in applications with scholarships and grants as well as local hospitals who offer tuition reimbursement and so far have had no luck. Any advice u could offer would be greatly appreciated!
Alex says
My husband packed his car and moved to a different state for his job. Myself and two young daughters were evicted from our home and My car just recently got repossessed. I have a 6 year old who is in the first grade and needs transportation back and from to school. I was a stay at home mother for 3years and having a hard time finding a job. Most people don’t consider being a stay at home mom is a real job. Its been six months since my husband left. I want a divorce but cant afford one and Need proper housing for daughters. Just looking for some insight or the light at the end of the tunnel. Any information would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
Anna says
I am just wondering what to do about my feelings lately. I have a super sweet but super needy 5 year old who has sensory processing disorder. She’s socially awkward and says random things that show me she clearly has pragmatic speech issues. My poor 4 year old is a sweetheart but feisty as can be. I’m overwhelmed and I feel like such a crappy mom. As hard as I try to do things right, take them both to swimming, gymnastics, therapy and do fun things with them and feed them good healthy food, I feel like they (especially my 5 year old) is never happy. I never thought I would feel like I wasn’t good enough for my kids, but that is exactly what I feel. I’ve even thought they may be better off without me. I have no help. I have no family in this country. All I have is my babies who I love to pieces… but who don’t seem to be happy with me. Today, she told my ex-husband on the phone that she wants a new mom. I’m so hurt. I’m so devastated. Tomorrow is a new day and I’ll wake up and do everything I think I should do… and they will say they love me, and laugh and have fun. But the moment something goes even a little off… it will all go back to me feeling awful like this. What am I doing wrong?
me.N.Lil'momas says
So me and my baby lost everthing.. Her dad took it all im depressed n were homeless im 21 n have been married for 4 year.
I don’t know where to start or go..its scary
Jennifer Coleman says
I am a single mother age 37 rasing a 4 year old and 12 year old while enrolled in an online doctoral program. I am struggling really badly to pay all my bills since I receive no child support and have a hard time maintaining a stable PT job as I suffer from depression and anxiety badly and jugging everything makes me crazy. My 12 year old son has bipolar disorder and ADHD so this also means I have to be flexible with working and my Masters is in Counseling. I live in a county in SC that has little work for this profession unless went into private practice ( would love to but do not have funding to start it). Can you tell me any grants or scholarships at my education level or to help with other living expenses while in school? I went back to school since was having such hard time finding a job in my field in this area and no money to move. Anything would help!!! My ex husband ruined my credit so additional private loans is not an option and I have a debt for education around 70,000 at this point.
Val says
I was in a relationship and mu boyfriend decides to dump me and kick me out of his apartment. I have a 9 month old. I have no family at all out here or any type of close friends. I dont know where to go. I called about a shelter i am scared to bring a baby in that type of environment. Is there any housing that single moms, family get for emergencies? I live in Ct.
Unknown Louisiana gal! says
I am currently living in La! I am in a very unhealthy relationship with my kids dad! Yes we love each other but we can’t be together and I have no resources here to help me or if there is I haven found them yet! Plz help me find housing for me and my kids so I can get them safe and raise them and not have worries about it! If you have any available info plz plz plz send me some! I never thought this was going to happen! How does this get better with no help!
Si says
Im currently living with family and theyre acting like they dont want me nor my 2 kids here and I have nowhere to g. What do I do
Dawn Moore says
Hi my name is Dawn I am the single mom of 4 boys I have been checking out your web site as well as a few others to find some Dep and rent assistant near Fredericksburg, Va. We currently live in a my sister 4 bedroom house with 11 people and a trailer has became available which they said I could get with a Sec Dep of $500 as well as first month rent of $725 I do not have this up front as right now but don’t want to lose this oppurtunity as I find it affordable. If you could possibly direct me to some resources I have probably retried all the ones around here but maybe you have some I did not come across. Thanks, Dawn
Laura says
Hi Veronica
My daughter and her 4 children moved in with me one year and five months ago. My daughter is working a part time job as a security guard that won’t give her any more hours and Human Services has cut her cash because of some lifelong assistance limit. She has no other income. I can’t afford to keep providing for them because I am retired and receiving a check every month that is barely enough for me. My daughter gets food assistance every month and that runs out before the month is up and I end up buying food and not having any money left for myself. She needs a place to stay for her and her children. Her Utility bill was very high when she left the place that she was at and thaw won’t give her help unless she had 2-3 thousands dollars to pay towards the bill. She was going to school before her daughter was killed in 2010 and she won’t return. I don’t know why. Truly help is needed. Her oldest daughter is in her senior year of High School.
andrea says
hi veronica, im 26 single with three children in a homeless shelter program for women and children that ends in two months. with that said i cant find a job that dont mind me not being able to work on weekends and nights. i dont drink, dont do drugs and never have. and tired of all the disappointments.
Jennifer Collins says
Hi Veronica, I am a single mom of two boys. One is entering 10th grade and the younger one will be entering 9th grade. Unfortunately the public school system in our city is below par and the actual public school in which my kids would have to attend because of the district we live in is horrible. Everyone in my community sends their children to private or parochial school. So I did the same. Last year was my oldest sons first year at a Catholic High School and he loved it! He did extremely well. He was enrolled in 2 honors classes, completed both his required language credits that year and finished the year off with a 3.7 GPA! Both my boys are good students and very dedicated to school. They have had perfect attendance records and no tardiness. So now this coming year I will have two boys enrolled in this school (God willing) and my loan payments are way beyond anything I can pay. The only assistance I am aware of is TADS which I have applied for but am still awaiting determination. I was told by the school that this year they have more applicants then ever before and funding is tighter than ever before, so that option is not looking so good. And time is running out. I guess I am hoping for a miracle. I have searched everywhere for any other type of assistance for their education but there seems to be nothing out there for high school students, or even high school students of single moms. Do you know of any options out there? Grants, scholarships, anything? I have drafted a letter asking for donations from private donors but I don’t even know who to send the letter to. I have never been in this situation before and can use any advice you have to offer. Thank you.
Kimberly says
Hi Veronica my name is Kim i have alot going on in my life right now.I cant find a full time job anywhere. I am a single mom with a job that i work three days a week,i have two daughters to support we manage.I want to mive in my own place but i cant find anything low income that i can afford.Im also in a relationship we live together but im not in love with him anymore i really want to leave him but with the money i make cant afford to move.Do u know of any low income programs ,or housing with no 2-5 year list.Thanks
Tiff says
I am looking for help on getting my son and I out of our current living situation. I mean it is not bad, but Its not were a child should be raised up in. I am currently unemployed and am looking for a job. How do I get housing help!
Jovan Denny says
Hello iam a CEO of a Car Club.. i was wondering is it possible if my Car Club can do a coat drive for the single/homeless single women in need for the winter
Nanette Merson-Hidalgo says
Hello Veronica,
I don’t even know where to start but here goes nothing. I am a 45 year old mom of two young kids age 7 and 4. I have been a stay-at-home mom for the past 8 years. Had a happy, safe, exciting life up until a couple of months ago. My husband committed adultery and one day just picked up and left leaving us behind with no money for rent, utilities, food gas and also 5 pets to feed! He never again answered phone calls or txts or anything. Not even desperate calls from my kids who don’t know what happened and miss daddy and wonder when is he coming back! His parents where helping us with bills for the past 5 years until he ‘found’ a job – hoping his “invention” would take off. I reached out to them and for some reason all of a sudden they run out of money and are very sorry for my situation but are not able to help any more. They have totally abandoned us and never checked to see how I am feeding the kids or taking care of our needs. They are trying to get him out of Orlando to New Mexico to where they live to sign him up on a drug rehab program. So he’ll disappear for ever and now he is the victim.
The lease on the house we are living in is up on August 31 and they where very clear about not paying for it anymore and to make arrangements quick for leaving the house. They also stated that they want the car they let me use and also will be taking me out of the cell phone family plan!!!
This whole thing happens in the middle of summer where the kids are with me all day and cannot look or even start a job until they start school since i don’t have a place to leave them. But if I end up in a shelter I’ll have to take them out of the area schools too.
I don’t have any family in the US. They are all in Ecuador and cannot even get back to them because I don’t have my boy’s passport or even his permission to leave the country. And of course the money for the tickets.
Can’t get any big help from them since he hacked my mom’s saving account and cashed her SS check as well as my brother’s. Mom cannot come to help but for now since her husband is in ICU! I know! Stars are not aligned it seems.
I can’t find anything to rent since I don’t have an income and also found out my credit score is horrible due to the foreclosure we had last year and he withheld all envelopes to my name. Found out about it only couple of weeks before we got evicted!
I am about to loose it. I promised my kids we’ll be ok but I’m afraid every night I will not be able to do it and fail them.
If you have any hope for me please let me know. Who else can I call although turned down by most already. I don’t want to get sick from stress.. nor can I afford to do it.
Thank you for your time and I’m sorry this is so long and complicated. More like a Mexican soap-opera if you ask me. I’m not even Mexican!!
Thank you for this opportunity to.. vent at least.
Hope to hear from you soon. best regards,
Nani/13
Mary says
Hi Nani,
First off, HANG IN THERE!
Have you tried public assistance? They can help you find a place and help you with bills and groceries.
There are also programs that vary by state that will help get money from a dead beat dad….might be worth a shot.
Best of luck!!
Shelley says
Looking for help with bills, what can I do?
Karen Castillo says
Dear Veronica,
I’ve been separated for 4 years now and a mother of one baby boy, aged 7. I never had a real boyfriend since then though I had a virtual boyfriend who died a year ago and now a boyfriend over the phone for a year. He is an only child. His parents are in Canada. And they are wealthy. They have a lot of houses here in the country and some businesses where he helped his parents to look over. He works in a government. He calls me everyday. Talk for two to four hours a day sometimes during the night. Stories and all. We talk a lot about our future. Our future plans, kids and family. He doesn’t want to meet me outside for a date, instead, he wants to come to my home to meet me and my family..The problem is whenever he said he will come to meet me and my family he fails to come for so many reasons… He will suddenly be busy, he got sick he went there.. etc. etc.. He seem serious and sincere when we talk but I was just thinking why he always comes up with reasons everytime he plans to come. He never asked for anything from me.. we never had sex over the phone. Never. He is a decent man.. but what is wrong? Is he really serious? Do I still need to stick with him? Need an advice. Thank you…
Karen
Cheryl says
Hi Veronica the question I want to ask . I am a middle age single mom of a 24 year old mentally challege young man. And it so hard coping with this problem. He is able to do things on his own, but he can’t live by himself and he talk back and will not take his med. I need a program for him to go off on weekend to be around other peers. And I pray he starts back going to church.
Marlene Dillon says
Dear Veronica,
I am a single mom who needs help. I have self-published an empowering book that promotes healthy self-esteem. Do you know of any charities or individual philanthropists who possibly be interested in supporting my efforts? Do you have any idea where I can find someone like that? http://fnd.us/c/fXX72
Marlene Dillon says
“who would possible be”
roma says
hi my name is Roma. I’m the single mother of a two year old boy. I own a small hair salon in Port Orford Oregon, I’m drowning in debt and having trouble staying afloat I have student loans that I cant pay and am just trying to make a better life for my son then I had. the question is with all this looming over me I would like to be able to buy a building to work in I recently had to start taking my son to daycare (due to my landlord) and can not afford it at all I was wondering if you knew steps I could take to make this happen? where should I even start its all so overwhelming!!!! please help
shanna walker says
hi my name is Shanna Walker. I have 3 wonderful children into which one of them is disable. I am in a terrible situation at this time , I do have a roof over my head @ this moment but at the end of the month on july 31 2013 I will be forced to move out of my apt because the building is forclousre. my son recievces ssi and kso does my daughter . I donnot get any section8 or public housing for any assistance.. I need your help if possible you can contact me on my cell phone at 219-292-6919 again my name is Shanna Walker.
please help me I don’t know of any housing in Chicago il
Tammy says
My name is Tammy and I am a single mother of four. I was working full time and able to pay my rent and my bills and entertain my children until March 26, 2012 when my sisters husband molested my four yr old and my ten yr old daughters. Since then I am not able to leave them in a daycare or any other person without my four yr old having anxiety. she doesnt leave my side and if she cant see me at all times she begins to cry. i had to stop working and only get 540.00 a month on Calworks assistance. my rent has not been paid since April and we are being evicted. My children and i have no where to go and I do not know what to do. Are there any programs that you know of that can help me with my situation? i am becoming depressed because I can no longer provide for my children without putting my four year old in fear of her safety. I have spoken to a counselor and they are getting her into counseling but my fear is we are about to be homeless.
raynesha says
I need an apartment for me and 2 kids and I receive 600$ a month
lisa says
Hi, I am a single mother of one. just moved in with my mother. I am a professional worker. My salary ranges from 25,000.00-30,000.00 yearly. That’s working part time. going back 2 school this fall. How do I find another single mother to share a home or big apartment?
Alyssa says
My soon to be ex-husband is getting out of the army in October and has not played an active role in our son’s life. He was there for the first 2 months where he played with our son, but would not wake up at night to help, wouldn’t help bath or change diapers, than he deployed for a year to Afghanistan. He came back from Afghanistan and was very emotionally and mentally abusive as he was throughout the deployment making accusations of me cheating all the time which made me drop out of college and quit my job to make him stop. He told me he would only live with me if I gave him sex and he did not want to go to marriage counseling when I offered, so he left to Alaska where he is stationed and me and our son stayed in Minnesota. I allowed my son to go to Alaska for a month with my sister in law to see his father when my ex returned from Afghanistan. That was june 2012 and my ex has not seen his son since and does not ask me about his son or anything, but according to his mom he asks about him to her, but not to me becasuse he still thinks I am cheating. Last month I filed for divorce because I found out from my mother in law that he had a girlfriend for 6 months and she was living with him and he had gotten her pregnant. His girlfriend left him and now my ex wants me back and I said no. He wants 50/50 custody of our son which isn’t going to happen because my son does not know his dad. What is a reasonable schedule to slowly get my ex to get bonded and get to know his son again without it being too stressful on our 2.5 year old son? In the divorce I filed sole physical due to the fact he’s been in my care since he was born and sole legal due to the fact that my ex husband has got a lot of issues being, lying, emotional abuse and recently suicidal. Thank you for any advice!
lisbette burgos says
I dont know what to do, im deperate, I have 2 kids one wich has severe disabitilty ,and no family or close friends that will help me, I dont really tell people what im goin tru but its bad,I DONT KNOW where to go to get help,my gas is shut off,my electric is about to be shut off also beacause my son’s medical certificate expired and I afraid to ask then to give me a new one beacause this is the 3 time I ask for one and im also imbarrace of my situation,I have hardly any food at home and my kids dont really have any shoes or clotles,we hardly have the basic, sheets, pillow,curtains, furtniture ect,I dont even have a working sink,but I have a job that pay me enogh to no qualify for nothing, so i get an $800 bi week that i use to pay as much as I can but it dont really cover much for me to get out of the finacial mess im in,i feel like such a failre, IM BEHING in every single bill,I OWE,SCHOOL TAXES AND PROPERY TAXES DUE BY THE END OF THIS MONTH SO I will have to use my next pay checks for that but than again I wont be able to pay my utilities and im goin to keep getting deeper and deeper in this mess,I FEEL so bad with my kids
Mandi says
Hi,
Can you tell me where I can get financial assistance with attorney fees? I am a single mom of two. I have already paid out close to $10,000 to my lawyer and he needs more. We are going through a custody battle.
Thank You!
Joyce Larson says
Veronica,
I am the mother of a 33 year old female who is a single mom with a 3 year old with Sensory Disorder and autism, she has no job, no income at all, no car and very depressed and is on and off prescription drugs, I cannot get her free counseling or clinical help. She needs support groups also, to talk with other mothers with the same issues. Where can I get her help? She lives in Oak Lawn Illinois.
Cheyenne says
Joyce,
I am so sorry to hear of the choices your daughter is making. Unfortunately, now is the time when you have to accept that you cannot change a person nor help someone that does not want it. You may voice your concerns in a tactful way, but if someone does not want help, they will not take it. This is especially true with addicts. Make sure your grandchild is being well taken care of. If he is being neglected, contact Child Protective Services to keep him safe.
This is such a difficult thing to go through, but you must truly understand that you cannot help those that cannot help themselves.
Good luck to you and your daughter.
Cheyenne
Bianca says
hi veronica my name is bianca, to cut a long story short im a single mom of twins they are 8 months now, the dad and i are no longer together because he has decided he can no longer be with me, im finding it very difficult to accept the fact that this is the way things are and that he could be with someone else. ho w do i deal with my anger and frustrations, i am also unemployed and extremely frustrated. how do i deal with all these issues at once? how do i move on? we had dated for 3 years before we broke up for 2 years and got back together a month later i was pregnant, and as you can imagine pregnancy on its own is difficult. i just don’t know what to do.
Keri Le Ann Hutchison says
I’m a single mom of two girls ages 3 and 2. Their dad left 2 weeks before my oldest turned two. she will b 4 in August and my youngest was 10 months old, she will be three in October. It’ll be two years this December since they have seen him, he’s made it clear that he wants nothing to do with them. My three year old has recently started saying things that I am not sure how to respond to or answer. She doesn’t call him daddy when she speaks about him she calls him by name…. she says I don’t have a daddy or why doesn’t ( we will call him Dave for all intents and purposes) Dave love me any more. Or the one that kills me the most…. I’m not special enough to have a daddy….. I don’t understand….. I don’t talk about him in front of her and I have nothing bad to say about him…. things just fell apart although I never thought it’d be this way. How do I explain to her that she does have a dad but he just chooses not to see her? Please help!
april lamb says
I am a single parent of three. My oldest is is a prenatal stroke victim and is now 15. we have struggled. the father is serving 20 years in prison. no child support, unable to work due to caring for my children’s needs … I have gotten my credit to a good rate and am trying to buy a home. my income is low and that is the problem. i am asking for help with this … some direction or we will become homeless again. i have a year to figure this out, but cannot afford to rent in mass. a 2 bedroom is not at 1200 per month, my income is 1600. it’s just not possible nevermind the fact that i can’t squeeze my 3 teenagers and myself into a 2 bedroom. the other thing i am requestiong resources for is i am enrolled to start mechanic school in july but am struggling to fill the 6,800 gap between loans , the pell grant and the rest of tuition. this would be a dream come true! please help me change the direction of this never ending road of hardship, and give my kids a home, and an income. – april
Sonya says
Hi Veronica,
Im a single mom living in Canada. I have a 6 yr old boy. I am legally divorced and was separated when my son was 22 months old, my son is now 6 years old. My Ex has barely been in the picture of my son’s life except for when I had made arrangements to have him come over to my house to visit and play with him. In the last 2 years I removed that privilledge from my Ex to come to my home as he has been speaking disrespectfully towards me and wishing ill wishes on our child. We are currently still battling court issues. My Ex has since not been in communication at all with our son. In the last two years he has seen him a handful of times and called him another handfull of times.
I have recently felt that my son would like to see his father. He doesnt often ask, but when the topic arises and I question him he says yes. Keep in mind my son see’s his father as a “playmate” because that is all he ever did with him when he visited for the few hours at a time. My Ex has continuously let me son down on saying he will visit and doesnt show up. At present the arrangements are that a Court Order is in place for him to make arrangements at a supervised access centre to visit with his son, this has been in place since 2011. He has never ever attempted to make those arrangements. My Ex does not contribute to my son’s life in any way, emotionally, physically or financially. This is the bases of our court issues right now – his lack of child support and him wanting shared custody and visits unsupervised.
My question: I dont feel this man deserves to be a part of our son’s life, I dont feel he has anything to offer our son, he doesnt even speak English properly and my son hardly can understand him. The supervised access is fine with me but he has not and probably will not initiate this. My son has at times mentioned that he wishes to see his father….then long periods go by (2 months) where he wont even speak a word of him…out of sight out of mind. I feel it will be more harmful to allow my son to see his father for 2 hours of play and then not see him again for 3 months….I do not wish to be present with the visits. My son is very stable and very smart for a 6 yr old. I do not see any signs of anxiety, disturbance or bad behavior….I dont want to share him with a man who has no rights to him…and thats how I see it.
How do I deal with this? Should I allow my son to see his father even if it is for “play time” for only 1-2 hours, even though long monthly periods will pass before he sees him again? Or should I allow the time to pass, as my son doesnt really ask for him much, and let my Ex initiate the bonding with his son through the access arrangements he is suppose to do? My Ex doesnt even call him EVER to even speak to him….why should I allow them to “play” for short periods ….I think this is more damaging to my son’s mental state, because then he will ONLY be reminded again that his Dad is for play and I am the culprit of keeping this play time way from him.
I am trying to protect him and only want whats best for him. I have a very loving and very supportive immediate family who suround my son with much love and attention. My Ex has no one here. Nothing to offer, not stable financially not responsible (thus the reasons for supervised access).
What do I do? What is your advise? Should I continue to keep things the way they are and make my Ex show that HE is the one that wants to see his son by making the necessary arrangements or should I bite the bullet and allow for my son to visit with his father under my (UNDESIRED) supervision?
Heartbroken mom,
Sonya
Lisa says
I’m a single mother (obviously since I’m here) of 2 boys. Zarek turned 3 on 4-20 and Zander turned 2 on 4-22. Their father left when the Zander was almost 2 weeks old. Well, more of was made to leave. He had become abusive with me and was showing signs of starting to get too angry with my boys. He hasn’t seen them, by his choice, since 10-08-2011. Well I knew it was coming but I didn’t expect so soon so I’m not sure what to tell them. Zarek, from cartoons, is figuring out there is someone missing. He at first started calling my father dad but I simply tell him “No, that’s grandad”. Well, now he’s started looking for someone to call dad so I feel soon the question of where will arise. Earlier today, which sent me on a search for a good answer, he started making his bears hug, play wrestle, walk together, and all that. Then, he started having the little one call the bigger one dad. It broke my heart feeling like I let him down for not making a better choice in who his father is.
Lisa says
My question is… what do I tell him? People keeping saying be honest with an age appropriate answer but how do you make that answer appropriate for a toddler?
Jessica henning says
Is there any programs available in kentucky to help with the expence of daycare for my son.
dottie says
I really dont know how too start but here it goes im a single mom of 2 girls trinity just ternd 2 in april an sarinity will be 1 in may. hi my name is dottie an i am a single mother i have a 9th grade school level i have no job no car no nice clothes an i get 169.00 from tanf an it all goes too rent i get 369.00 in food stamps to feed five people an have almost no food at the end of the month like now an i dont want to be on these things i want too do good for my kids an i cant do that on my own an that herts me so bad i just wanna sceam at my self i just want to cry for everything thats happening know an in MY PAST im am sooo stuck in my life i dont know were to start in my life an i just need someone to talk to in my life an i cant do that with my mom i dont have no one to be here with me as an adult or to love me for who i am this is the first time in life i have ever let my fellings out an its too a screen not too a person i feel like i cant do it no more i just need help with everything because i CANT do it on my own an i hate that about my self
Jen McGahan says
Dottie,
You have been on my mind since I read this yesterday. Of course you can’t do it all by yourself. No one can. I don’t know if you got an answer or not, but I just want you to know that I am thinking about you and your girls and praying for your situation to improve.
You sound like you are at the end of your rope, and I’ve been there. Many people have “been there” and they will help if you reach out. Venting to a screen is a start, but I know there are people somewhere nearby who can help. Will you try and find an adult to talk to?
I was just reading today: the devil puts all kinds of crap in your way, because he wants you down. But you were made for something greater, my dear. There’s always a way through it. God will help you find a way if you ask.
You are being tested and strengthened for something much better than this. I just know it. Please hang in there.
Jen
Monica says
Hi Veronica, I am a single mother of three: a 7 year old boy, 3 year old girl and a 1 year old girl. I need help finding some coping techniques because sometimes it is overwhelming and I get outraged. I have a hard time controlling my son. He back talks, throws tantrums in stores, at home, anywhere if something doesn’t go his way. He tends to try to be the boss by telling his sisters what to do. He feels I should be doing what he wants. Whenever you tell him you have done something wrong he cries. So I need coping techniques because I know part of all this is trying to get my goat and 90% of the time he does and I get mad. So any advice you may have would be greatly appreciated.
Raynita says
Hi Veronica
I got divorced May 2011, and is raising my almost 3 year old daughter single handed. The father never contributed in any manner and was not even present or arranged visitation to his daughter until recently.
The past 2 months, he arranged to see her clockwork as per settlement agreement, and seem interested in her well being, creche, etc. It is actually scary as you don’t always know what to expect from him: he change his thinking as he goes along, and believes himself. Stability is important to my daughter, not to mention myself. He wants us to get back together. I told him recently that he best forget about that idea, and move on. Despite the ultimatum that I set for him (when we broke up and he asked for another chance), he also does not comply with, he wants to make demands on me and my daughter. Ignoring him is beyond reasoning no longer applicable. And lawyers I can’t afford. I also don’t want to regret one day not allowing my daughter to be with her biological father…
Please advise me herein. Thanks.
.. from Cape Town, South Africa
michelle torres says
Iam a single mom with four kids need help my credit not good trying to look for a place I realy don’t want to go to a shelters with my kids Iam legally blind on my left I can u help me please
Violeta says
I am a single mom who is thinking about moving my life to Chicago so that my daughter has her dad in her life. We bot h have good jobs but neither one of us can transfer to another state. The reason I am moving is because i at least my family in Chicago and Ive lived there once before. My questions is, are you aware of any companies that can find housing for single mothers at a low rent in a great neighborhood ?
Haylei says
Ok I am 19 with a 4 month old Stuck in a house with my grandparents and parents. Everyone acts like his parent and treat my like I am 5. No one will take me for my drivers test So I dont have a license. I work at Giant as a cashier. I need my license, a car, and a place to live.. any suggestions?
shuntia says
hello veronica my name is shuntia and i am trying to place my 15 year old daughter in private school due to the fact that public school has let us down. ashunti my daughter has been accepted in to a private school but financial aid did not cover the full tuition so i was wonder if there was any other aid i could apply for that would help
L says
I am pregnant with my first child. I found out I was pregnant after the baby’s father broke up with me, and I told him. He has been very back and forth on the way he acts about the situation, despite saying he wants to be there for both me and the child. The reason I am writing is because I am very confused with the situation. We live together, and are planning on getting a bigger place together to raise the child together, but no matter how hard I try to accommodate his needs to be his own person and not to “cage” him as he says, he refuses to call ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend.
He says that labels are destructive to relationships and that is why we broke up to begin with, however I have suspicions that he is looking for other women. I find it difficult to trust him, and even though I have no reason to believe that he would abandon the baby and me, I have these creeping thoughts that he will try to run the moment he can find something better. Our situation is difficult because even though I have a college degree, I work as a Host at the Olive Garden, who due to the recent Obamacare act, refuses to give anyone more than 28 hours a week, leaving me with less than $150 a week on my checks after taxes and health insurance. I depend on him for rent because he makes more money than I do. I depend on him to take care of me when I’m sick.
I don’t know what the best course of action is because my family lives two hours away, and he has not given me any reason that I should just pack up and go. Not to mention, I love him with all my heart. And he says that he loves me, but his actions and his distance say otherwise.
Please Help.
L
Aaiya says
im sorry this will be long. My boyfriend and i got together over a year ago and got pregnant within the first two months. everything was good at the time but fast forward to now–not so much.
our son is 7 months old. during the time i was pregnant he could never keep a job and we where bouncing around to our families houses and now live with his mother. in that house i have no say what happens to my own son. like i said he is 7 months and his mother gives him chicken bones, full adult cookies and even a chicken nugget. im terrified that he is going to get hurt because they keep shoving food down his throat.
well my boyfriend also recently totalled his truck so now we are looking for a new one. well him and his mother are deciding everything together, without me and he wont even tell me what he is doing with money THATS MINE TOO. i found out not only that he put money down on a truck without my knowing, but also that it was a 3 seater truck with no back seat. i do not feel comfortable putting my 7 month old in the front at all and im pretty sure he isnt even supposed to be there, let alone facing forward. but no, apparently im wrong even when ive had people tell me its illegal because his mom is saying its fine and still telling him to get the truck. i thought this was about getting our life straight? not hers!
not only that, but he doesnt include me or our son in ANY decisions he makes and ADMITTED to it last night and also said he was just worried about him and not his family. example: without my input or care for my input he is planning on getting 3 different vehicles THEN getting a house of our own. and he wont change his mind or listen to how i feel. it doesnt matter how i feel he has made that clear.
im tired of being called a stupid little bitch and him hanging our son in my face saying he will take him from me. im not happy in all seriousness im miserable. im tired of not meaning anything to him. but im afraid to leave because i dont want to go thru not being able to see my baby everyday because of custody issues. part of me wants to work it out and the other is scared and just wants to run away with my son but i cant. hes a good father when it comes to playing with our son but when it comes to doctors, and needing baby supplies his words are ” its all you”. its not just my son, its his as well. and i know if i leave he will find me and take our son for the sole purpose of hurting me. idk what to do. please help
amanda poole says
how can i get help finding an affordable place for me and my daughter? i am a single mom
Julie says
Hey Veronica,
I used to live with My mom two siblings and boyfriend at the time, with our beautiful daughter. Him and I are not in the right position to be together and he kicked me out of the home. My mom has barely any say so in anything. Now Grace (mine and his daughter) and I are staying at my grandmothers place, she sleeps in her bassinet and I sleep on the couch. I don’t have anywhere to go. My father and his wife lost their home. My aunt lost hers, my cousins practically all live together. I have nowhere to go, no bed to sleep on. I have all of my daughters necessary items, clothing, crib, mattress, ect, but I can’t live in a living room with those items, neither can she. I dropped out, I don’t have a job, never have, I’m 18 years old, first time Mom. I love my daughter so much and I want her to have the best of life that I can give her. I am desperate need of advice on where to go from here. I live in Michigan, no drivers license. I depend on everyone just about. I’m so lost and messed up right now, I need advice.
Sie says
Hi Veronica, i really need some advice. I’m 20 years old, and my boyfriend of a year has gotten me pregnant,.. hes 22.. I’m currently 8 weeks due October 17th.. I’m going through a lot, he has a kid with someone else he pays child support for and he only sees some weekends bc she tries to hold his daughter against him. We live together and everything but he ups and leaves me whenever he wants for no reason. Like right now its 1 a/m on a Sunday and he didnt come home from work friday and told me earlier saturday hed be coming home tonight and still isn’t here. And also not replying. This is like the 8th time he’s done this to me since we’ve been together but since i’ve been pregnant it’s became like an every weekend thing. I love him so much and i want him in his kids life whether we are together or not, i don’t want his relationship with our child like his with his daughter.. I’ve tried explaining this to him and how he hurts me and it seems like i get somewhere then the weekend comes. Everyone says i need to just say i’m done and go on and worry about myself and my baby, but this is so much easier said than done. I don’t know what to do.. I want him and i know it’s not good that i’m stressing like this while hes gone. WHY can’t i just let go and give up. Ugh what do i do to make this situation better?
Sie says
In addition, he was excited when i told him and has been to both of my appointments, i dont get this