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Finance
for Single Mothers
Why
I Love the IRS
by
Laura Matthews - Spirituality.com
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We were out of money—and the tax-man
cometh.
Some months prior,
I'd been laid off. But instead of getting back to the corporate scramble,
I decided it was a good time to fulfill an old desire. I wanted to grow
spiritually, to help my fellow man, and to serve God. I was sure this
would not only benefit the world, but also myself and my two kids.
I
volunteered, I headed up projects that allowed others to serve, I prayed
for people, I began a ministry as a spiritual healer. Some projects
allowed me to earn money, others did not. But every moment felt right—I
was growing in my understanding of the Divine, and my family was happier
than ever.
Our negative variance would be $2,500.
When I dragged out my
budget spreadsheet in preparation for doing my taxes and ran some numbers,
it looked like we would make it through the spring. But when summer hit,
my unemployment insurance would run out. In the fall I would start a new
project (for pay), but until then, our negative variance would be
$2,500—and this was before figuring out the taxes I owed.
I
stared at that number, displayed in stunning red on my spreadsheet. It was
such a little number compared to the income I'd had before going
into spiritual service. Was this the end of my new career?
I'd
been convinced that the best plan was to devote 100% of my time and energy
serving God. But I still had the children to consider and our long-term
well-being. Was I crazy to think that I could get very far in this
money-fueled world without always knowing when the next influx of cash was
coming?
Underneath all the budget concerns and bills was
a deeper fear.
Underneath all the budget
concerns and bills was a deeper fear—that if I couldn't make it
financially, I'd somehow fail God. I was almost afraid to ask Him. The
thought snuck in that maybe He'd never really wanted me to do this work in
the first place.
But I went to Him anyway, in prayer. Where else could I—a spiritual
healer—go?
"Okay," I prayed. "You're in charge here. I know You love
me and the kids. I know that if You want me to work for You, You'll make
sure I get the job done."
In those moments of prayerful humility, I felt reassured that God was with
me, that I wasn't facing things alone. I thought about all the good I'd
been doing, and got a sweet sense of God's ongoing approval. The spiritual
progress I'd been making was permanent—it could never be taken away from
me. He wasn't disappointed in me—I was still His beloved daughter.
I was able to let go of how I thought I should
serve.
With new
confidence, I was able to let go of how I thought I should serve Him, and
instead became more willing to consider other options. I could say in my
prayers, "If You need me to get a part-time job for a few months so
that I can then come back and serve You again full-time, I'm willing. Just
let me know." And it occurred to me that wherever I wound up,
whatever job I'd be doing, I would still be serving 100% if I did it to
glorify God. So, for a few weeks, I just waited, knowing that the
direction would come—because God loves me.
April 15 was approaching, and I'd put off finding out the bad news long
enough. My financial situation had brought me into unfamiliar tax
territory, so I asked an accountant friend to help me. He called me after
a few days.
"Brace
yourself," he said.
"Brace yourself," he
said. "You're getting a $3,000 earned income credit."
The shock of gratitude I felt left me sputtering for a few moments. Then I
laughed—then I almost cried. Not only were my next several months taken
care of, but there was even a little bonus. God always had loved me. For
the next five years, my children and I saw many similar examples of that
love, and I never did have to get a part-time job just to make ends meet.
Now that my path of service has led to my having a more regular paycheck,
I get to see the taxes being taken out again. And I'm grateful. I remember
the time when I saw the other side of the equation, and what that
symbolized for me. To me, each dollar I contribute now is a mini-hug to
the rest of the world, because I can picture it going to someone
somewhere, and helping them. I feel like I'm participating in the
expression of God's love.
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