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Finance for Single Mothers

The redemption of a control freak

by Nancy Haines Challenger from Spirituality.com

 

I was surfing yesterday and found this fantastic freebie online. It's for a completely free subscription to Parents magazine. That's pretty cool! I sign up for mine. Get a free subscription to Parents Magazine!

 

I used to accept the title control freak as a compliment. Until I got into deep trouble.

I'm a stockbroker in Los Angeles. Control worked fine when the market kept going up. I was confident, making lots of money, so busy being busy -- controlling my business, controlling my employees, unwittingly trying to control my husband. My life was so together that I tried to fix everyone else's, nosing into friends' and family members' lives, offering unsolicited advice, stepping on toes. I didn't realize what I was doing.

Then the market crashed. I was still very busy, but I made little to no money. The phone was ringing off the hook but there were very few compensated transactions. I had to borrow money to cover heavy-duty overhead. My income barely covered my secretary's salary. And, I had just hired a very expensive employee who had relocated from another city.
 
The night was clear & calm.
I kept waking up in the middle of the night in terror. Still trying to control things, I'd pray briefly, but then switch to going over this plan or that plan in my mind. Any peace I'd felt from the prayer would fade.

One night, my husband and I took off for a brief trip in a small private plane. My husband pilots the plane and because Los Angeles airspace is full of traffic, one of my jobs while we're flying is to watch for other planes. The night was clear and calm. It was about 9 in the evening and we were headed due west.
As we climbed to altitude, I saw what looked like a 747 jet at our 12 o'clock, directly in front of us. The 747's nose light seemed to get bigger and bigger and closer and closer.

"Do you see the traffic at 12 o'clock?" I asked my husband.

He said, "Tally ho," which generally means "yes," but he did not change our course.



"Oh, I don't know -- a few hundred million years?"
After a few moments, I ever so gently challenged his judgment and asked, "How long before we intersect?"

With his official pilot voice and a twinkle in his eye, he said, "Oh, I don't know -- a few hundred million years?"

It was a planet, shining from very far away -- and not a 747.

When we stopped laughing, I thought about what had happened, how I had been in a fit of panic and my husband had been so calm. He never felt fear or danger because he knew the difference between a 747 and a planet. I wanted to change the overall panic in my life to that same trusting calm. I began praying for an answer I could understand.

Later, in a humbling prayerful moment, I saw that my problems stemmed from thinking I had to do everything myself -- that I was on my own in life, having to earn success and happiness. But I believe that our heavenly Father never leaves us alone, and He keeps us always in His care. Even when it looks like we are separated from good, we are not. We just need to stop thinking and acting as if we are alone.

I prayed for God to show me what to do now.
This new idea woke me up. I could see that it was definitely time for me to yield up my will to control everything and start knowing and trusting the might and wisdom of God.

Instead of the usual planning and scheming, I began to apply prayer more diligently to the problems I was facing, including the lack of finances for my business.

I prayed to know what to do about the employee I could not afford. It turned out that unbeknownst to me, the employee was doing work for his own business during company time. I had been blinded by talk of what he was planning to do for me and not watching his actual day-to-day contributions. When I got quiet enough to listen for God's direction, what I needed to know about this employee rapidly came to the surface.

"Trust the details to me."
Rather than storm over to him, I prayed for God to show me what to do now. The answer came clearly and swiftly, as if a professional adviser sat across the table from me. "Adjust his compensation to be more directly linked to his performance and production. And, trust the details to me."

Two days after I laid out the new compensation plan to this employee, he quit. A month later, I hired a part-time college student for the summer who did the job at a fraction of the cost while gaining valuable experience.

Since then, my business and personal finances have stabilized considerably. I've become better at listening to, but not meddling with, family and friends. I don't force events as much.

With a life under divine control, it's becoming more and more obvious that prayer-based solutions are infinitely better than any I could have thought of myself.
 

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