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Mom's House, Dad's House

The Single Mother's Survival Guide
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Single Moms - Day to Day
Articles
About Reagan, Bernie, and Alzheimer's: I chose
prayer
by Shirley
Schwaller
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from spirituality.com
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A friend once confessed it’s hard to know how
to pray for someone trapped in an empty shell of a
body that doesn’t work. “We lost Ronald Reagan 10 years ago to
Alzheimer’s,” said more than one commentator about
America’s former president.
Another person lamented to me he didn’t know
how to pray when his aunt, who had Huntington’s
disease, became so impaired physically she could
no longer speak, walk or eat. “I didn’t know
whether to pray for her to go quickly and end this
misery, or not,” he said.
My own family has experienced this confusion.
My father-in-law, Bernie, had Alzheimer’s and
later was diagnosed with prostate cancer. I heard
one member of the family express uncertainty over
how to pray for him. Was it wrong to pray that he
go quickly and painlessly?
I
would never give up remembering the
support I felt from divine Love.
In
thinking about this, I realized anyone who
was an integral part of my life invariably
brought goodness despite the tough times
we may have shared. It was often that
combination of elements in a relationship
that prompted me to grow and learn.
Most importantly, my heartbreaks taught
me to rely on solid, spiritual ideas. I
have felt the proof of this statement from
Science and Health: “The wintry
blasts of earth may uproot the flowers of
affection, and scatter them to the winds;
but this severance of fleshly ties serves
to unite thought more closely to God…” I
would never give up remembering the
support I felt from divine Love, or God,
even when things seemed dark.
Through these experiences, I've learned
the importance of honesty and
communication, and how to be more loving.
In fact, I'm convinced that important
relationships like my marriage are more
successful because of these lessons.
I
found comfort.
To me, it was so wrong for Bernie to be trapped in
a debilitating disease that would slowly rob him
of mental and physical ability. But I found
comfort in an idea from Science and Health,
a book that explains the relationship between man
and God. Author Mary Baker Eddy writes, “When
speaking of God's children, not the children of
men, Jesus said, ‘The kingdom of God is within
you;’ that is, Truth and Love reign in the real
man, showing that man in God's image is unfallen
and eternal.”
I’ve come to know God as Love itself. And when
I think about all-powerful Love, I know that it
never causes or sends pain or hurt. God as divine
Love wouldn’t hurt His own creation. As I prayed
about Bernie, I began to understand that the
goodness inherent in Love’s creation, which
included Bernie, couldn’t be diminished or fade
away. It must still be very present and eternal. I
wanted to continue to see and acknowledge the good
I knew my father-in-law possessed from his loving
Creator. Even his
humor shined through.
As I prayed to see more love and permanent good
in my relationship with Bernie, many of our
interactions changed. My new focus helped me be
less disheartened by his illness and I found it
easier to visit him at the nursing home. I began
to see that the qualities we all loved in Bernie
were still there—the courtliness, the
friendliness, the sparkle. Even his humor shined
through. And he still could crack us up. One evening
when we went out to see Christmas lights, Bernie
remarked, “Those are the best Christmas lights
I’ve ever seen in Houston—or Dallas, or wherever
the hell we are!” We all delighted in his ability
to lighten the mood under the circumstances. He
might not have known where he was, but he knew he
was grateful. No disease could keep him from
expressing joy, or giving us joy.
I was genuinely in his
presence.
My father-in-law did pass on from the cancer, but
my prayers allowed me to see him as a vital
example of God’s love for mankind, and I was able
to be genuinely joyful in his presence.
Reagan's
daughter, Patti Davis, was with her father and his
wife when he passed on. She recalled in an article
in Newsweek, "He opened his eyes and he
looked at Nancy for a good minute. [He] saw her,
there was no doubt in my mind. It was as if his
soul was saying, 'Hey, I was never really affected
by all this.'"
I think this is true for Bernie, too. Who he
really is as God's child was never really
affected. My prayers helped me see this, and gave
me comfort. |
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